A
female
age
,
*indylu
writes:please if anyone can give me advice id really appreciate it? My husband is buyibg gay videoes and asking me to watch with him, he has explained he has gay tendencies and would go for the whole sexual experience with a man but only if im ok with it, i'm a mess, i want him to be happy and would do anything to help him so i go along with everything he does but if he really is gay then where do we go from here? I support him in everything he does and i love him, he is a gentle man and very caring, we have been together for 9 years and i had noticed things were getting very hard for him so we talked and it came out somewhere along the way that he had thoughts of men. He is very depressed now and is not looking after himself the way he used to, i feel so helpless, if anyone can help pleas answer, i dont know where else to turn?
View related questions:
depressed, gay porn, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): really all i can say to you is that you should speak to him and ask if he still wants to be with you and if he says yes your kinda stuck but if he says no then i'm afraid your going to have to except it. Also if he says he still wants to be with you then you will have to be careful uncase he gets hiv and then you could get it to.
i wish you the best of luck and i hope your life goes back to the way it was.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2007): So sorry to hear about your situation ut honestly he need to me a decsion you or men....he probably wont be able to make it alone...he needs counselling and you need to protec your heart
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): Hi hun,
He more than likely needs your support as he cant go and do the things he so desires without you, now that you no its a weight of his mind.
But a huge one on yours....No matter how you try its not going to make you happy at all and the nights of video watching will just get you more and more down, as this is what turns him on not you and you will end up hating everything about your life, while he will be a more satisfyied person not in the whole but as much as he can be under the circumstanses....No one person should use another to make there life easier hun, and Im afraid thats what he has done, He may be depressed but that is because of the need inside him plus he needs you there to help him, Its all very hurtfull and sad but at the end of the day you have a life and it doesnt involve this as everyday it will get harder and you will resent the whole idea of being there...It doesnt matter how much you feel the need or even want to help its not going to change the facts, And I would and did want out after trying to help, It got me knowere only an angry man who couldnt have what he wanted...
If you can talk with him and tell him this is not the way you expected married life to be and he should not expect you to live like this even the truth is bad enough but the making you watch those videos is really selfish to say the least after the pain of finding out his secret, which would be devastating in itself to most partners...
You really need to think about your happiness now and find someway to get it back love and I feel that would be without your husband as sad as this is for you, its only going to get worse as I feel all the talk in the world wont change the way he feels... I HOPE THIS HELPS LOVE TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
...............................
A
female
reader, lindylu +, writes (17 August 2007):
lindylu is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMandy, thank you so much for taking the time to answer & give me your support. You have no idea how much you have helped me, just to hear someone say, 'this is real' is a relief in itself. The big problem for me now is, what to do, i dont want to leave him but cant live with this so whats next. do i try to find somewhere else to live, omg, that sounds awful & so final, or do i carry on & try to save our relationship? either way i will always know what it is that he needs, he says he cannot bear life without me in it, I know he genuinely loves me but is that just the support that he needs to stay in the closet (did i just say that?) because he fears going into that world?
Mandy, i hope you dont mind this somewhat mixed up cry for help but i feel you are an angel sent to my aid, thank you again for your selfless encouragement of me, take care, love Lindylu xxxxxxxxxxx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): Hi sweetheart,
This is simular to what I have been through, well what can you call it really its more than just a problem for you,
I no how very hurt you are and shocked you are but hunny Im going to tell you please dont do everything your husband wants you to do when it makes you so desperately unhappy just to make him happy.... It doesnt work and his mind wont change, He must have been feeling this way for along time its sad to say but probably he had thoughts before you got married and put them to the back of his mind....We can all live as we choose love but when we bring someone else into it unwillingly thats where its not right...
I had just had my little girl when my ex told me his little secret in a cafe so he thought I couldnt really react to bad with people around, I to felt for him after the shock and tryed to help. But its there and the minute he told me it was relief for him as although he was depressed its all he had on his mind and thats why he was so down, not knowing how to sort out the situation but at the same time doing what made him happy..
Your husband may be sweet caring and gentle, Thats the difference for you and me mine got very violent.
Watching these videos must make you feel sick to your stomach not only because its not your choice but its your husband and you love him and you really dont want him having these feelings full stop...
His depression is down to loving you and wanting to go with his choices but he feels stuck as deep down as you said he is a caring man and now feels upset at hurting you. Darling this is not going away and its going to destroy you if you keep doing these things to make him happy, I no you love him and I no how hard this is but you have to be happy to. And you really have to sit and talk to him and tell him the choices are his not yours, if you dont want to watch this stuff tell him... And try and talk untill you have come to a decition for the both of you you have to let him know you cant live like this sweetheart. I no you to are a caring person and dont want to hurt him, This has just come out in the open so now is the time to talk about how you really feel.
Please take care and feel free to message me anytime i'll help you as much as I can LOTS OF LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
...............................
|
