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writes: hi i married at 19 after being 2gether 4 3 yrs. 18months of marriage he had an affaire with my friend from work. we split but never divorced. since then i had 3 lovely children by a man who i was with for 7 yrs. one of my sons was very ill and need extra care 24/7 he said it was 2 much pressure and met someone else so we too have split. on my own for 7 months then out of the blue my husband calls me and wants to give it another go, i agreed. its now been 9months and he is very snappy and pig headed and has different views on bringing up kids.(he has none of his own) its my house and my kids but because he pays the bills he tries to gain authority on certain things. he sends kids to their rooms for silly things, he talks very loud which to me is shouting this causes problems as i wont have the kids being shouted at. thay are good kids in general and they love him to bits. i dont think i love him but dont want to hurt the kids he's used to being waited on and i wont do it. because i dont work at the moment he thinks hes got more say on things and i do nothing. im over weight but not obese and am loosing it but he always calls me names in a row. and believe me he aint the best looking apple on the tree. if i tell him to go will the kids 4give me they call him daddy as their dad wants nothing to do with them as hes new g/f is pregnant and she told him his kids or her and new baby. they hav not seen their real dad since december 05 and ask no questions. they are 7, 5, and 18 months and are my life im so confused. do i grin and bear it and have happy kids or hurt them because of my own feelings? we dont have sex as he said i 2 big, i sleep on the sofa and tell him the bed does my back in. help!!! i feel so alone and stupid. im 30 and he is 36.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2006): Children want a Family. Even when it is falling apart they still want Family to survive and overcome.
Childen have a strong sense of resillence.
Staying with an abusive man will only be an example to your children in that it will teach them it is okay to be abusive and/or be abused in relationships.
If there is more peace, love, acceptance in the home without Hubby; if the home is more safe and your children can grow to be happier without hubby...then kick the Pig to the curb.
I say go to a local Church for help and support. I do know that the Latter Day Saints Church can be very supportive and helpful and that they have excellent resources for you and your children.
If not this, then pick up the phone and call local agencies to look for counselling for yourself and your children.
There is hope.
Honey, this man ill treats you and is unhappy with himself and will only spread this unhappiness.
Talk to some counsellors first and set up some counselling for yourself and children.
People rarely change after a certain point in their lives and even then...they have to want to change.
Your husband sounds selfish and if he is unloving towards your children; he will do no good.
Take Care Sweetie.
*hugs*
A
male
reader, d4u04  +, writes (18 November 2006):
 First of all, you are never alone, there are always helplines or councellors you can talk to. But in response to your question, I think you should tell your pig of a husband where to go! Pople who say they stay together for the sake of their kids just end up lonely and bitter at the end of it anyway, because you can try for years to make it work, but if it was going to, it would have already. Don't delude yourself that your kids will hate you either hun, just sit them down and explain to them that mummy can't live with daddy anymore because it's making her very unhappy. Kids are very resilient and will bounce back quickly, mark my words.
Speaking from personal experience aswel, I see my dad once in a blue moon, he and my mom broke up when I was about 4, it has never done me any harm and I'm a strong, happy person. Don't worry, it will all work out in the end, these things have a habit of doing that.
I hope this helps and good luck! x
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