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female
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*ennifer_jacobson28
writes: lately my husband is a very inconsideate man. for valentines day i got nothing. and i went all out for him. gifts dont really mean anything but just the thought alone would have been nice. on march 29th its been 5 years we have been married. i am very sick right now with a cold and broncitis aint sleeping well at night. he doesnt spend anytime with his kids and he told me flat out that his job is more important then we will ever be and he feels that money is the answer to everything. including emotional. and right now with me being sick and have only gotten 8 hours of sleep in 2 days i was workin my butt off today cleaning and even made him sandwich and stuff when he asked. he sat on his butt knowing how sick i am, playing video games. then he decided to go take a nap we have a baby that needs full attention and i needed to rest i couldnt handle it no more. i was shaking and everything and he told me to go to hell hes going to bed. our sex life sucks and it seems the only time he has anything to do with me, is when he wants sex. he told me that he is working on our anniversery it dont matter what i feel. and refuses to be there for his daughters 2nd bday party as well choose work over us. we never see him. i dont have a license so when hes gone i am stuck at home. i dont have anyone to babysit for me when i need to take a break. and he wont watch them when hes home last time i left him alone with the baby her diaper was SOAKED and heavy. she was filthy and was screaming when i walked in. according to my kids * my older ones* daddy wouldnt feed them eithier. this is just some of the stuff he is doing. i cant take it no more. i need someone that knows prioities.what should i do? i love him with all my heart and dont wanna leave. but i will if i have to. i have done it and it didnt phase hime one bit. was gone for a week with the baby he didnt miss us at all and when we got home the house was a wreck. last night he watched my daughter for 2 hours i came home and she was screaming covered in poop. and again he was playin a game payin no attention. please help me figure out what i should do. worried but in love jenn
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female
reader, jennifer_jacobson28 +, writes (28 April 2006):
jennifer_jacobson28 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmy friends work. except one and she cant even handle her own kid, family all works or dont have transportationn, and my mom wont watch her because she cant handle her no more. i'm stuck. plus i dont have wheels to be able to get to work and back
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2006): Well, any chance you can find some friends, day care... Ooops, no income. Yes, find friends or parents to take care of your children temporarily, while you work? This is really tough... Hmmm...
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female
reader, jennifer_jacobson28 +, writes (25 April 2006):
jennifer_jacobson28 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionlol i love that last response made me laugh so hard! i wanna leave, but have no income to support my children no place to live with no income. so what do i do i have tried everything the county wont help until i am in my own place and he isnt there. how am i supposed to get into my own place with no income, and no help from countyi tried aeoa and salvation army no one will help unless he is out because he makes to much money! i cant winnnn. grrr! it pissed him off bad when he found out i got to legal aid first and now he has to pay for an attorney! legal aid said they wont help him even if he did come first because he makes mto much money. it made me feel good to screw him over for once, is that bad?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2006): I read your entry in the forums. I can tell u due from experience that love is an illogical 'substance' that more often than not, govern the way we tread through life.
Counselling now seems pointless. Not only does he neglect your emotions and your needs, but he is also neglecting the most basic foundation of raising a family - responsibility. You can be a custodian making 8 bucks an hour trying to raise a family of four, or an executive making 200 dollars an hour - it doesn't matter. MONEY can solve many problems, BUT it does NOT replace love, companionship, friendship, and duty to the family.
I believe that your husband is a bad influence to your kids. As Dazzerg suggested, talk with your family and friends and see if you can arrange some sort of babysitting or something similar with them, while you work. I suggest that you split up with that bastard. You and your kids deserve so much better than that lazy slob of an ass.
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female
reader, jennifer_jacobson28 +, writes (17 April 2006):
jennifer_jacobson28 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni have suggested marriage counseling for our marriage, i have told him he needs to be more romantic, commpassioonate and loving for me and his family or i am out the door and wont be back. he told me to go he dont care, i have asked him if he realized he wouldnt be with his daughter daily and he said yea i will miss her. we had gotten into it big time, and he got up in my face and had his fist cocked backed at his side. is there really anything more i can do to save this marriage?
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female
reader, Trixie +, writes (10 April 2006):
 It's a really difficult situation you are in-especially with children. It seems to me that he is either just very unhappy dealing with being a husband and father or he has big time control issues within himself that if he gives to you emotionally, then he will lose himself-and controling people can not do that. That is why when you left, he let you. He knows you will return. He has set the boundaries. He is the reactor, you are the convincer, I am wondering. That is usually how controling relationships are-and you exhaust yourself trying to "convince", can't figure out how they can be so cold, etc. It's called intimacy issues, control problems, call it whatever. You aren't going to get what you need emotionally. I would really suggest counseling for you to help you cope, and for both of you. Blessing to you!
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (28 March 2006):
 Well I think you have to be preapared for the fact that the relationship maybe over to be blunt. Sorry but obviously things cannot go on like this. Have you confronted him about his behaviour? Maybe as a final throw of the dice you could do this but you have to be prepared to leave.
Maybe if you spend a long period of time away then he will realise what he threw away but it seems to me he takes your love totally for granted. One of the problems with loving somebody in the way you do is that it is easy to exploit. He may not have been bothered the last time you left because deep down he knew that you would come back.
When decideing what you should do you also have to consider your kids, to be blunt he sounds like a negligent father too. Talk to your family and friends also and see if they can help out if it does come to splitting up to make sure you have a support network ready-made. Sorry I couldnt have been of more help.
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