A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Help, my husband of only 1 1/2 years is very controlling, he does not let me have any friends and has even made me give up my best friend. He swears at me and calls me names on a daily basis and even insults my kids. I don't want to be without him but if this continues I will end up in a nut house. I am not happy and tell him this but I don't think he cares as long as he has all the power. My kids dad was worse, so do I attract these men or what? He has been physical 3 times and I don't want to end up miserable for the rest of my life, and I fear my kids are gonna hate me if I let this continue. I cry all the time and ask god to help us, but really can there be any help or is this marriage a lost cause?
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female
reader, scorpion queen +, writes (29 June 2008):
This is the girl who wrote the question and I just want to say thank you for the advice. My children are definatley my priority but I also believe in trying to make a family work. It may sound scary and even unpowering but I am not afraid of him I just need a little more love and support from him. I am also exspecting his child in August and he is very excited although I don't exspect him to settle down his anger I believe whole heartly that it will minimize it. I don't doubt his love for me but I do believe he has anger issues from deep within that need addressing. I do want to let the viewers now that I am not that weak just a little broken down but I am a strong woman and if I feel like I gotta go trust and believe I will go. Sometimes you just need someone to vent to that doesn't know you without being to judgemental so thanks again
A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (29 June 2008):
 It will only get worse. He is enjoying this power and the more he gets the more he will want. The physical side to his abuse will get more frequent and possibly more violent with time. Get out now before he really hurts you or your children. You do not need this man in any way shape or form in your life.
Do as Irish49 says and phone a womens help line, they will advise and help you every step of the way but if you bury your head in the sand about this problem if will not go away. You cannot change him, change comes from within and even if he admits he needs help and seeks it there is no guarantee that he will ever change during your relationship together.
You have been unlucky but you cant stay with him because he is not as bad as your ex and this doesnt mean that every man you will meet will be the same. You may have low self esteem issues and be vunerable and some men who need a submissive women they can control may recognise this in you. Once you have sorted this situation out then seek help for yourself to become a stronger person.
I wish you luck x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2008): Your husband is a abuser..a very troubled man and he needs some serious work. Possibly some anger management help and some intensive, long term counselling. Abusers don't get this way overnight...he was taught this in his younger, formative years.
Your resentment, your misery is a clear signal. You need to be aware of your resentful feelings and respect them. Over the past years,you have coped..likely hoping he might change his controlling behaviours but there is a type of person who controls through criticism and anger. And people like this do not change deeply ingrained patterns.
So what do you do? He's abusing you and the kids. Protect your children before he damages them even further. The kids take priority. Your husband's failings are his own and there is nothing you can do to remedy his crap. You take the children and go. Call a women's crisis line in your area and they will do all they can to help. Reach out to them..they are amazing people. You must get yourself and the kids to a family counselor and get one for yourself to learn how to empower your life and your sense of self, by being taught to set some tough boundries with this man. He sounds like he frightens you a great deal. I am so sorry, I too, have been a victim of a controlling angry man and I know how it empties a women's soul. MY heart is with you and the kids. You need help as this will progressively get worse with time. It might be a good idea to visit a good lawyer and get some good legal advice. See Good luck to you. Stay strong and I'm with you all the way!
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A
female
reader, ChicaBlusera +, writes (29 June 2008):
I am just aching for all the pain you're in! I'm glad that you wrote to us (aunts) for advice, and I don't mean this to sound like a "knee-jerk" reaction but I think you should see a counselor or a minister or priest. No one should ever give up their friends, you're not his property. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I would leave him for the kids' sake, they deserve a better environment and so do you.
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