A
female
age
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*8oldwoman
writes:I am a 48 year old women, have been married for 27 years and my husband has never been a romantic type. but since he has been diagnois as a diabectic 7 years ago he has E.D. and are relationship has been strained. I love my husband, but i am not in love with him. and i want to rekindle the sparks that we used to have. Since he cannot have an erection, i have brought a vibrator into our intimate relationship it's helping a little, but i need more caressing and holding. I have expressed it in many ways that i need more attention, but he doesn't seem to understand what i am asking from him. I believe in my marriage and don't want to get a divorce just because a bump in the road has occured. please help me with my marriage.
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female
reader, unconditionally his +, writes (2 July 2012):
i really hope my answer will help you. i have been with my husband for 32 years and we always had a good sex life, when he asked me to married him, i asked myself if i could deal with his worst habit and still love him? (his worst habit at that time was getting so drunk at times he'd pass out and i had to go get him)i don't drink. we got married years after being together. and my answer to myself was "UNCONDITIONALLY " we got married three years into the marriage i began to notice a change in our sexlife. when i finally said something my husband told me we had Erectile Dysfunction (ED) and was embarrassed to tell me.I was mad,felt cheated, and embarrassed that i still wanted sex. laying awake one night i asked myself how he might feel. and after thinking about ,i began to imagine.we stopped having sex when i was 36. a few years of no sex i was approached with a offer of an affair. At that moment i knew what unconditional meant.i went home,told my husband i still wanted and needed a sexlife WITH him we began working on and talking about .now our sex life is great!! we have no penetration because he doesn't want to take pill and i want the love making to be all us. finding different position to make sure we both feel good is the best. good luck
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (31 July 2010):
 Ladies, come on this foolishness has got to stop1 Ed is a manufactured myth created by the drug industry. The commercials try to make it appear that the poor wife "needs" the stiff husbad. We men knowthat wives do everything possible to avoid sex not promote it. Stop with the insanity!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): by the way, let him have an implant.
I know guys who have had it done, they are EXTREMELY happy with it. 95% close to the real thing.
good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): hi thereI am a 30 year old male, in the process of goign through ED. I am having steps taken to rectify it.First off, let me explain that ED for a man is probably the most painful thing, he will ever go through.Yuo say that it does not depend on an erection - I will correct you - it does not depend on an erection, for YOU. You forget that he is also human, that he also wants sexual satisfaction. Seeing you use a vibrator does several things1. Makes him feel even less of a man, since you need something else to make you happy2. He is sitting on the outside. Would you like it just sitting there, watching your partner have all the fun?I understand you situation, but you must also understand, as you say njot everything depends on an erection, not everything depends on you having an orgasm, or any sexual satisfaction for that matter.What woudl it be like if he met and exceeded your expectations regarding everything, except penetration? If he gave you all the affection care and loving you wanted?I am asking this, because putting pressure on him to perform pushes him away emotionally. That is the price you are paying now. It is not only him, it is you as well. You want him to perform sexually, and you want him to sit on the sidelines and enjoy it, and then feel close to you.It is a tough situation. But it is asking you a big question: Are you going to get rid of someone after 27 years in your life, because he can't get his c*ck up?My answer, you are crazy if you let him go. Let him know there is absolutely no sexual demand, zero, nothing. And he will give you all the affection and love you need.But in the end, the choice is yours. You just don't see it that way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): There is another medication called Cialis. Would this be more suitable?
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A
female
reader, 48oldwoman +, writes (27 September 2007):
48oldwoman is verified as being by the original poster of the question I am thankful for the people that answered my question. But he has been on viagra before, then he just had open heart surgery 06-06-06 and he is on nitro pills. plus he's on depression pills and high blood pressure pills. I try my best to explain to him that there is more to making love without having to have an erection. I am a very touching feeling person, every day i try to show him that i still care for him. But he knows that I am falling out of love with him. and he know that their has to be some changes, like him being more affectionate and show me that he wants me to be with him.
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A
female
reader, 48oldwoman +, writes (27 September 2007):
48oldwoman is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am thankful for everyone that answered my problem with my marriage, But my husband cannot take viagra because he's on nitro, he just had open heart surgery 06-06-06. It doesn't matter if he can't get an erection to me, but I need more affection.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): Many years ago I suffered a spinal injury. I thought that was the end of my sex life, and I used to suffer from E.D. due to the injury. Note - USED to.
A trip to see the doctor, once I'd plucked up enough courage to go and explain this to her, was soon followed by a prescription for Viagra which solved that particular problem.
Get him to do the same, there may be other factors like high blood pressure affecting him which he needs to get checked out.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (26 September 2007):
 Hi - I'm similar age. You deserve 10/10 for being such a good wife. Fortunately I've never had to deal with this prob myself (so far) - so I can only make some creative suggestions. I don't understand why he doesn't understand you need caressing /holding especially if you have told him. I can only summise that he thinks (consciously/subconsciously) caressing leads to sex, and he can't go down that road - as either leads to him or you being disappointed - so he doesn't even want to start what he can't finish. He's frightened to turn you on. (it makes sense to me). So somehow you need to get it across that you want to be held/cuddled for no other reason than that - to be held. Maybe you could say you feel nervous/insecure and him holding you makes you feel safe. Try turning the heating off at night so you cuddle. Ask him to wash your back as you are not so supple anymore. Regarding closer intimacy, tell him his hands are as satisfying as sex. Ask him to use the vibrator on you. Ask him if he would like to watch you use the vibrator. Hope it helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): Hi, I am sorry for the tough situation that you are forced to be in. He is probably depressed and that is why is unable to respond or even truly realize what you are trying to tell him when you tell tim that you need more cuddling and affection. I think conseling would be very helpful for the both of you, especially him. He probably feels all sorts of unratioanl thoughts about himself because of the E.D. Maybe he doesn't want to do more cuddling or be more affectionate because before the E.D. that would probably lead to maybe something else, like intimacy and he doesn't want to let you down. Have you expressed to him that the actual sex isn't what matters? That you just need more affection? Is he able to take something like Viagra or can he not because of the diabetes? Marriage is thru the good and bad right, it is the ultimate commitment, but he needs to understand your need for something more, not even meaning sex. When someone is depressed it can be really difficult for them to work thru issues logically. I really recommend trying to get him in to see someone and maybe they can get him onto some medication. I have 2 close family members who went onto depression medication and it has made a world of difference. Try to stay strong, I know its really tough.
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