A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I know you will read this and say i deserve what i get here goes.12 months ago(feb 08) i was told my husband was having affair,i confronted him and he admitted to seeing this girl whom he worked with but said it had only been going on for a couple of weeks and they never had sex i belived him, I asked him if he would give her up to save our marriage his answer was no, i left to go to my daughters within an hour he was asking me to come home he wanted our marriage to work ,things were ok then a week later i found reciepts for a hotel room(dec 07) also for a necklace and earings(feb 08)and a book that she had given him when they met to go to the hotel I was gutted as these things were left in places where i would find them i asked him if there was anything else he's not told me he said no.I went to the others women's house to see if my husband was telling me everything i said what i knew and she said he's told you it all then(no i found out myself he just admitted it)she also told me he was going to start afresh with her he was waiting for the right time to tell me,she then said he texted me to tell me it was over he was staying with you.We went on holiday together something we had never done,things were going well we got new wedding rings and when he put mine on he said new beginnings no more lies no more going behind my back he loves me.Then in Nov 08 i find out he had other affairs one lasting 6 years also he took this girl into our home, since then we have been arguing and i have been putting up with him hitting me and throwing things smashing up our home he's always sorry afterwards.Yesterday we rowed this time i phoned the police as i wanted to get my clothes cos he left to go out they never came,i went to my daughters i stayed there for a while in all honestly i was no better of.So i returned home to my husband.What i want to know is why can't i break away?When i hurt so much, only a few hours go by and i miss him and go back knowing it will be a matter of time before our next row.Can he really love me?How do i know if he's really sorry?Please help
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female
reader, CRAZTME39  +, writes (24 February 2009):
 Speaking from a past marriage where the husband was violent with breaking stuff but not hitting.... Girl, get away from this guy. If he wouldn't get rid of her (right then) if it ment losing you then he alredy told you how much he cares right! It's very hard to make such a change and move on but you are worth being treated well, staying with him isn't going to make that happen. I know it's easy to stay where you know how things will work (no matter how bad) but life is too short to just exist, it's time for you to live & enjoy your life. Best of luck to you whatever you decide.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): Well, the statistics are 12% of (cheating) men will repeat this cycle over and over again. YOU ARE NOT QUALIFIED TO HELP THEM. Sorry but this is the truth. They need PROFESSIONAL help, or a pastor/church that offers counseling on adultery. It's the only way to heal and him to face his past problems. It's the only way to have a healthy marriage with you.If you've been with him a long time, you have an emotional connection with him, but this is very unhealthy to let him get away with cheating, and you're basically giving up your life for him. You NEED to give him an ultimatum to get help or you move on with your life. There is life after divorce, in fact, a life with much hope and happiness. It's all one day at a time. I'm sorry you're going through this, but you need to get your life back and doing something is better than doing nothing and getting shot down over and over again. You are Worth Loving the Real Way.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 February 2009):
 I think habit is part of it. Low self esteem is another. Your husband has conditioned you to over the years "accept" that he cheats. In your heart you don't accept it but your actions (you come back and stay with him does). You need to make sure you know 100% what you want.
If you want rid of him you need to get your ducks in a row. 1. find a place YOU can afford. Take care of all the paperwork that you will need ( insurance/phone/car notes/tax papers and whatever else you need)Make a list of all the "stuff you two own together as well, then you need to get hold of a laywer. And move out.
Once you are out,do NOT have any contact with your husband.
I would honestly also suggest you find a counselor/therapist for yourself, to work on you and why yoou have let someone treat you like this for so long.
You can do it. Your happiness is up to you. Noone else. You can make it happen. He sure can't.
PS you are not to blame for his behavior. Cheating is HIS choice. You can not change or "cure" him. If he wants to change it will be up to him. However, you are enabling him to treat you like a doormat. You deserve better.
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