A
female
age
30-35,
*ilcheer
writes:What should I do? I really have no idea. My husband forgot my birthday last year and demanded that I come up with what to do to get him "in the clear". He once again forgot my birthday this year. I was devastated. I was out of town but he had known in advance that I was going to be gone on my birthday. He actually talked to me on my birthday and didn't even so much as say "Happy Birthday" he didn't even say "I love you" to me. I didn't get a text message or even a Facebook post from him. He did however wish my twin sister a happy birthday. He got extremely mad at me when I brought it up the next day (I waited in hopes of him actually remembering). I wasn't angry I was heartbroken that he never said a word to me about it. He has once again told me to come up with a solution for him forgetting my birthday. Should I let it slide plan my own birthday again, or should I do something about it?
View related questions:
facebook, heartbroken, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 October 2013):
 Hi lilcheer, I read your profile information and saw that your husband had cancer and chemotherapy? And in addition you listed him as being a Wounded Warrior? I don't know how he was wounded but perhaps there is some damage to his memory?
My sister went through chemo and I swear it does affect memory and cognition. She refers to it as chemo brain."
I would cut him a break on this, I doubt he's doing it deliberately to be mean or awful to you. Unless you have doubts and do believe he's being mean and awful?
I also saw that you'd been through couples counseling for some previous problems.
Maybe it's time to reconnect with the counselor?
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (26 October 2013):
 I'd be pretty damned angry too if he remembered to wish my twin sister happy birthday and not me!! Especially in light of the fact he forgot last year and should have learned from that, how important your birthday is to you!
Twice now he has requested you come up with a solution .... and no, if you start planning your own birthday when you would really like him to do it, you will end up planning your own birthday's for the rest of your married life.
Propose a plan to him, one suggestion would be for a special savings account be set up with a small amount being transferred from his wages every pay .... negotiate with him on what would be an appropriate amount, $2 a week for 50 weeks will give him $100 while $5 a week for 50 weeks will give him $250 to buy a gift or take you out for a smanzy pantz dinner, or maybe even get a few friends over for pizza, beer and birthday cake.
It seems he needs reminding, so ask him how much notice he needs, one or two months, or just a few weeks. Write it in his diary, or set up appointments on his computer for a reminder to pop up.
And if he forgets again, once you have put a reminding system in place, either give up on him or the marriage, you don't want to spend the next fifty years having to remind him of something he should, by now, be aware is important to you.
...............................
|
