A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I need some advise on cold sores. (Okay, let's call them what they really are Herpes.) I have been with my husband for 7 years and not once has he ever had one. But then about a year ago a younger woman got a job at his office. I didn't worry about her in the beginning but over time I noticed she texted him frequently. Most of her messages weren't sexy but maybe a little too friendly for a co-worker. Then on this past Christmas day my husband's phone chirped and he told me to plug it in (we both thought it was the dead battery chirp) but it was a text message from her that said "Merry Christmas Love, Nadine and Zoey" (which is her daughter). I handed the phone to my husband and asked him why she felt the need to say "Love" on her message. He dismissed it and got quite irritated with me (as if this is my fault). I didn't even know she had a daughter but he explained she brings Zoey to the office sometimes on Fridays. Knowing how much my husband loves kids I felt this was a bad sign. (He has been known to get involved with the worst kind of women in the past, because he fell in love with their kids. It clouds his judgement.) We had a huge fight about her because I felt like he's obviously encouraging her on some levels because the tone of her text message has stepped up a knotch. He insisted she probably just sent out a group text to everyone in the office. But I later texted a few other male co-workers and no one got a message from her, much less one that ended with "Love". I eventually dropped the subject but I have never forgotten it. The text messages finally stopped but I suspect he just deletes them so I don't find them. Since Christmas I notice he's usually "tied up" at lunch and I have found a matchbook in his pocket one day which was from a seedy little bar on the edge of town. A few months ago he started using Spanish phrases around the house. He's never spoken Spanish in his life, but Nadine is fluent. Is this just another coincidence? I just wonder if he hangs out with her when I'm working late which is frequently. Then the other day I noticed he had a cold sore on his lip. I teased him and asked him who he had been smooching. He got very quiet and when I repeated the question he just mumbled something about being under too much stress. Now I know stress can play a part in it, but in the past when I've gotten them it always came from smooching someone. Of course I haven't had one since high school but I know they never totally go away they just disappear for a time. I haven't had any flare ups when I've been in a steady relationship with someone. I haven't said anything else about it but I can't shake the notion that he may have kissed her. Am I being crazy? What experiences have other people had with these things? I just think it's odd he hasn't had one in the entire 7 years we've been together and I've seen him go through lots of stress. Given these other weird things I can't shake the feeling something has gone on between them.
View related questions:
christmas, co-worker, fell in love, herpes, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2012): The cold sore is not too much of an issue: look at the other inappropriate behaviour of your hb.
It is obvious that he is indulging in an inappropriate "relationship" with this younger woman. He is also "involved" in her childs life. This is a red alert!
OP thus far u have been passive: don't want to make a noise about the evidence u have found. When are u going to become proactive? When he's out the door into the arms of this Other woman? When his lies are compounded by blatant disrespect. When he leaves u with nothing but the bare minimum?
Became financially fit.
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2012): Hey hun, forget the cold sore you can carry the virus that causes them for years and then have a sudden flare up........but it sound to me like he is a bit too friendly with this woman expeshally that hes started using spanish phrases and becoming defensive when you mention her. I would be weary if i were you because it doesnt sound right to me. I hope i am wrong. Take care xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2012): Hi
Forget the coleslaw :) is your man quite clued up about health? ...WONDER WHY HE NEVER said he had a cold...been run down can cause them i believe..so he is clued up on health then? I am not making much sense but neither is what is happening in your relationship either. You do not sound jealous or crazy to me...you sound very logical to me. Fact! why on earth should this co-worker be texting a married man anyway? nothing wrong with been friends i agree but if i text a married guy at work I always INCLUDE the WIFE...after all they are a couple and don't hide things. I think the old match box thing is a bit old hat..hollywood :)movies. However quite possible..the spanish Mi Casa ES tu Casa...my home is your home ( I think) wonder if at some point he will be taking a vacation alone!!!! I know i am making this saound very bad but I believe your gut feeling ABOVE ALL OF IT...
I would be smart on this and DO NOT ACCUSE HIM...or you will NEVER KNOW THE TRUTH. Let the TRUTH come to you naturally because IT WILL..it could be innocent but at least you will know.
I would try and stay rational and be quitely ALERT and while you wait..PAMPER YOURSELF...take a spanish class on the quite..understand his phrases...remember what it feels like to be a woman and get dressed up meet female friends and GO TO THIS SEEDY BAR ONE NIGHT...grapevine. wORST CASE SENARIO...You go on VACATION to spain like the marie posa..butterfly(i think) I can speak it but not spell it..english the same but i get by. Don't forget to have fun YOURSELF and REMIND HIM why he MARRIED YOU!!!!!!
you not crazy...la vida la loca...live the crazy life!!!life is too short to be unhappy.
Good Luck :)
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (22 March 2012):
 Let’s point out that chicken pox and shingles are ALSO herpes.
I have lunch with male co-workers all the time. I text with them… I’ve been known to hug them. I spend MORE time with my co-workers during the week than I do with my life partner.
I have NEVER gotten a cold sore from smooching. They often are due to stress. My fiancé gets them a lot and I don’t get them when I kiss him. I have had one or two over my lifetime. I also get occasional flares of herpes LIKE issues in my both my mouth and my private region… I have been cultured and it’s NOT sexually transmitted herpes….
You clearly don’t trust your husband for whatever reasons…. And I suggest that you work on your trust levels with him either both of you go to therapy or you need to find a counselor to help you work this out…
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 March 2012):
 Up to 70% of people harbor the virus where it remains dormant for the rest of their lives. I used to get cold sores following any major illnesses or stressful periods but haven't gotten one in years. If you are suspicious that he is cheating you should investigate it, but people almost never only first get exposed as adults.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2012): http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Cold-sore/Pages/Causes.aspx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2012): This information may help
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/diseases/facts/coldsores.htmhttp
://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Cold-sore/Pages/Causes.aspx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2012): I used to get cold sores quite alot, but have only had one in the last 15 years. I never 'caught' them, my doctor said theres a virus lying dormant that erupts when stressed or run down. My friend had 2 or 3 when she was diagnosed while waiting for results from CT scans - she was obviously stressed and run down,
I think your looking for something because your suspicious, I think you need to either investigate, go to this bar one lunchtime maybe,or confront your husband, ask him whats going on.Your guts telling you somethings not right.
Has his behaviour towards you changed?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2012): That's *not* how cold sores work!
...............................
|
