A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, just wondered if there is anyone out there been through what I am going through now. I have been with my husband for 10yrs and we have 5 gorgeous kids, the youngest 4mths old. Whilst I was pregnant with her I discovered he had been having an affair with his ex-wife. This is the woman he supposedly hates, regrets ever meeting, had an affair with his brother whilst they were married etc. I have always believed that his only communication with her was regards to my stepchildren. He says it was a mistake, he regrets it he wants to be with me, I am the most important thing in the world....but how can I trust him again. She will always be in our lives cos of the kids (their youngest is 12) he wasn't drunk, we weren't having problems, he just went out and made the decision to betray me, and did it more than once. I even spent my birthday alone with our children while he was out shopping for things for her house with her after telling me he had to work!!! I do still love him and want to get through it but don't know anyone who has come out the otherside of anything like this.
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female
reader, Lizel  +, writes (15 August 2008):
 I sorted almost the same thing as you.My fiance cheated on me with his ex wife,more than once,it was a relationship in our relationship,and it took me by complete suprise,because he also used to bad mouth her,saying how he wished he had never met her and how she ruined his life.He confessed the whole thing to me,begging for forgivenes,begging me not to leave him.I didn't leave him,because I love him so much.I honestly do.I battle through the thought of them making a fool of me,lying and hurting to everybody around them every day.I try to keep my fears of it happening again to myself,because I told him I forgave him,but I know I haven't.He still talks to her everyday and that kills me.She lives in the same town as we do and he sees his girls everyday,but that means he sees her everyday and it drives me crazy.I try to be the person I was,but I was naive,inlove and blind now I'm paranoid,scared and insecure.He carrier on as if it never happened and that's the part that really makes me mad.It wasn't nothing,its something huge and ugly and a part of me,hates him for doing this to me,to us.So yes,there is alot of people out there who know and understands what you're going through and I want to say I'm sorry for your pain,hurt and anger.x
A
female
reader, juliejulie +, writes (13 August 2008):
Hi, Im going through the same, my partner had sex on 2 occasions with his x partner on the days he was picking his daughter up. I trusted him completely and thats what hurts. He too says he hated her and wished he never met her!!!! To him he said it was just sex and she was on a plate offering it. I want us to work. We did have a sex problem to do with what he liked to do and he thought I wouldnt like it and was afraid to tell me. Now he has told me its no big deal. He has done everything to help me, phoned her in my presence told her it was a mistake and never wants to do it again blah blah, but do I believe him? NO NO maybee time will tell. Seems to me your husband just wanted sex with his x nothing else to men sex is just sex they dont have to like the person they are doing it with. I expect with your children you get tired. If he didnt want you he wouldnt be with you!! I really hope we can both get over this it hurts so much doesnt it. Julie
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008): Please try the help on a wonderful website,The Healing Heart. The people there will help you more than words can say. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008): This sounds extremely painful, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. The thing is, human's are complicated beings and you just never know what someone's going to do. You start a relationship trusting someone and loving them with all your heart, then something like this happens. Does he love you? I am sure he does. Does he know why he did this? Maybe not, really.
You should go to counseling together, the only way to know for sure he won't do something like this again is to get at the root of the problem......why did he do it? He may have been going through some kind of crisis and you were too busy with the kids to help him out (he is human, he does have needs) This doesn't excuse his behavior, but see him as a human, not your superman, with human needs and desires and your heart may be able to forgive him and move past this.
I pray for you to find peace.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 August 2008):
If it wasn't for the kids and the baby I'd be telling you to call a taxi and get out of that marriage as fast as you could. He had absolutely no excuse to do what he did to you.
I am sure there are support groups for this kind of thing and I really think you should go to marriage counselling to see an expert.
Put things like husband affair support and the name of your town into Google and you should find some help there.
I'm so sorry this had to happen to you.
Good Luck!! xx
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