A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a dilemma. I am a 40 year old woman and I have been married for 5 years. I met my husband at a low point in both our lives, and I'm afraid we married for the wrong reasons. There really is not much love there, and we barely are intimate, though we are good friends. Add to that the fact that he is diabetic, and has frequent low blood sugars due to neglect of his health. His mother lives nearby and babies him constantly, and is very rude to me. She and I have already had words, as I am not one to put up with much disrespect from anyone. I have put up with quite enough of that in my past, thank you very much.They both are very sneaky, and they didn't want me to know that she is still packing his lunches. I told him I did not think this is appropriate since he is 38 years old. Also I found out he is texting a former friend of mine, though I don't think there is anything romantic going on. I went back to college and graduated a few years ago with an enormous student loan debt. Unfortunately I have been unable to find a good job, and I'm kind of stuck financially at the moment. We have no kids, but we have 3 beloved pets that I cannot leave behind. Living by myself is financially unfeasible. I have had crushes on other guys. But the other week I met someone who just blew me away. I only met him once and had a 10 minute conversation with him, but it was total love at first sight. At least for me--I have not seen him since and don't know if he feels the same way. But I cannot stop thinking of this man. But he is a client at my job, which means that I'll have to quit if we do get together. (Oh well, it's a sucky job anyway) I'm so afraid I'll grow old without a true companion in my life, and this might be my last chance at happiness. What should I do?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (16 November 2008):
Talk to your husband about how you feel and tell him that you aren't happy in this marriage and you don't think he is either.
If you are calm and unemotional and really open with him and ask him how he feels then you might be surprised how open he is.
One suggestion to what you could do (and you'll need an open mind here.) is agree that you want to split up. But at the moment that isn't possible. So start divorce proceeding and move into the spare room. Then just live as house mates. His mother can pack his lunches and have him back, and you can go off and try your luck with this guy at work.
Please bare in mind that you got into this situation "at a low point" and I think you are at another low point now. You are pinning your hopes on this guy you haven't even met properly... does that sound like how you felt the first time you met your husband? Don't get into a cycle of doing this.
Keep looking for a better job and try and find somewhere new to live. With the housing market the way it is, rents can be easily negotiated down. Especially with the cut in the interest rate.
Good Luck!! xx
A
male
reader, MrPerfectionist +, writes (16 November 2008):
Let me tell you what you should do:
If u've got values, still to your husband. U 've got to find means of getting intimate, what we've been reading on this site is 'i cheated on my husband and i don't know what to do'
Mrs bye thanks for ignoring thoughts of infidelity, U R ALWAYS GOING TO FIND SOMEONE BETTER THAN U SPOUSE!
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