A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a good friend who had this thing for some guy a while ago. She pretty much just hooked up with him and they were never serious or in a relationship. I've been interested in him for about a couple months now and he asked me on a date and I was kind of hesitant for a bit because I know this guy's track record. He's the kind of guy who hooks up with girls, but nothing ever really comes of it. So, when he asked me out, I was kind of shocked, because he doesn't usually go out with girls, he usually hooks up with them a night of a party and then doesn't talk to them again really. So anyway, we've gone out a couple times and I haven't told my best friend this, because it would pretty much devistate her. I want to tell her, and I feel like I should only tell her when I know he and I will become something, I feel like there's no point if this is a little fling, no body gets hurt, nobody has to know. But if this develops into something serious and I think it might.. I will tell her. We have been hanging out at my house a lot and we talk pretty much everyday. I haven't been this into a guy for a while and the last relationship I was in, my heart got broken pretty badly, so I'm kind of trying to keep my distance, but he's making it really hard because he is honestly treating me so well. I'm surprised at his ability to make me so happy and want to be with him all the time. He respects me and honestly just thinking about him makes me happy.. I know that what I am doing is wrong because she is my good friend, but sometimes I feel I have to be selfish to be happy. Why should my goal in life be to make someone else happy when their goal isn't to make me happy? Should I sacrifice my own happiness for my friends? I feel like it isn't fair for me to lose something that makes me happy for someone who probably would put themselves first anyway. I am the only person who can make myself happy and I feel like if I can control it, why not go for it..? That's my rationale for doing this. I will tell her once I know this is going somewhere. Do I have the right idea here? Or am I missing something, because this seems right to me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2008): You are not doing anything wrong. This guy is obviously interested in you and not her. It is her "thing" and not his. And they have had no relationship. If you and he really like each other and you see more in the friendship, definitely go for it. I have been in situations where the friend of a girl (or lady) had a crush of sorts on me, but I did not have the same feeling for her. I was interested in the girl heself, but she would not even consider a date with me because of her "friend's" feelings. It can be most disturbing for a guy. Anyway, I just cut off all communication with them both. Most guys do not like to feel they are some kind of pawn between two women. If your friend gets upset, or breaks off the friendship, she was not really a real friend to begin with. And she would be rather infantile to hold it against you or the guy.
A
female
reader, pieceomind83 +, writes (20 November 2008):
i understand what your saying but you need to remember that guys come and go no matter how amazing they seem and the people that get you through that are your friends. he may make you happy today but tomorrow when he makes you cry you wont have a shoulder to cry on.
i think that you should end this asap if its something that is going to upset your friend, im sorry
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