A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I'm involved with a man, after being out of the dating loop for a number of years (15) and I'm trying to figure out how it all works these days. I get the feeling my b/f is very much in love with me, but he's scared to death to let his guard down so he acts distant and aloof at times, like he could care less about me. When I've pointed it out to him he says it's nothing and tells me to just "go with the flow". But as soon as I step back, make plans with a couple of my friends, or act as if I have my own thing to do, he kinda freaks out and tells me I'mmaking him feel like I don't want to be with him, which of course is not the case. He says he loves me and I think he probably does, but his actions are kind of confusing at times. I want to keep things light and fun so I don't scare him off because I think he's the type of person you have to hold onto very loosely. He's very much a free-spirit and likes to feel like he's not tied down, when in fact he rarely lets me out of his sight and doesn't like it if I'm not right there all the time with him. I know he's had a number of failed relationships, some of it due to bad choices on his part, some probably due to his own personality. He obviously needs to feel independent while still being very dependent on someone. Are all men kind of like this and if so, how do you deal with this dance?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2007): Hi love,
You dont deal with it, you are so understanding by saying your fella is a free spirit, and you want to make him happy. You do as he says chill out... contact a few mates to go out and then all of a sudden who's not chilled out? well it isnt you is it.... Your doing nothing wrong infact your doing everything you can to make this a happy relationship... Sorry hun but this would drive me nuts my head would and has in the passed spun round so much im suprised its still attached.
Ive had this and you have to stop pampering to his needs he is acting one minute laid back when you have a concern then the next flying of the handle when you make plans as you are only doing what he in turn has told you to do.. CHILL OUT AND GO WITH THE FLOW! this is childish behaviour from an adult.
It will in the end screw your head up as you wont no where you are or what your supposed to do to make him happy....
Im not saying he doesnt love you, its so very hard sometimes to see a situation when your in it, as you do from a distance. Your asking him for some kind of reasurance, he cant give this to you at the time flaps and tells you to chill... The only time you get any is when you want to do your own thing thats when the i love you comes out, Its impossible to live like this in the end you will be walking on eggshells and thats not healthy..
You need to sort this out now before it gets out of hand love. Sit and talk with him if he wont listen and says the same thing make your plans and stick to them, if he freaks out just say you love him and you'll see him later, Then see how it goes from there.. You will have more of an idea on how he is towards you the next time you see him, This is the only way i can see you getting more of an insight into his personality and the way he is going to act with you. I hope i made sense and helped a little TAKE CARE OF YOU LOTS OF LOVE AND LUCK MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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