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*ilfoxx
writes:I need a question answered but first i will try to tell you the history I have been with a girl now for 1.5 years she is great and we get along so well. However there is one issue that i can't resolve and it will break us up! I have been in two marriages and have three boys. two boys from the first marraige and one from the second. i have a good relationships with my second ex. of about 10 years which we are finnally devorcing. we lived separate lives in different homes just didn't devorce till now. my first two boys are still friends with my second wife they have known her for about 17 years now. the oldest boys moved out here to be with there dad and are on there own now but still remained friends with my second wife. since i met my girlfriend she thought that the relationship between my boys and my second ex was different. the problem i am having is that my girlfriend will not go to any event that my second ex is attending. i have tried to keep the two worlds separate for this long now and said to my girlfriend that she dosen't have to go to any event that my second ex is attending. this worked for a while but however my second son is now going to have a baby and of course want my girlfriend to attend and my son has invited my second ex to be there. To say the least this very angry and she said she would not be going to the baby shower if my ex was there. everyone was ok with it but i feel that she should be there because of my son and because she is with me. I didn't say to much and just left it alone hoping she would change her mind. Well on weekend we had a bbg and all my kids were there we all were having a good time. Then all of a sudden it party was over and my girlfriend was pissed off and went into the house and to bed. This happened because the question was brought up her about marriage of my son and his girlfriend and my girlfriend got pissed of and questioned way would you invte my second ex to the wedding when she has nothing to do with you. I have since broken it off with my girlfriend. My thought was that i think she should be able to deal with the fact that my second ex is part of all my boys life and will be around forever. I had to choose a side to stand on and i choose my boys. I don.t understand and still wonder why my girlfriend can't accept this.So can anyone give me some feed back on this issue. I would still like to get my girlfriend back and have both worlds i am in work. I don't know how or even if I want o anymore because there will always be something that my ex will be at.So any help would be great Thanks
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reader, silfoxx +, writes (24 June 2011):
silfoxx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess i need to answer a few questions out there. The reason for her not going to any function or occasion if my ex was there is that my girlfriend thinks my first two boys who have know my first ex for 17 years now should not be involved with her since she is not there mom. My boys moved out to were i live now and there real mom is far away. My boys are friends with my ex and want her in there lives and i do not have an issue with this my ex and i get along well. I have no family other then them as all my family has passed on I am a only kid in the family. I think that just because my ex and i get along and my boys want to see her that's OK. I have closed to door with my ex and we kind of support each other I don't see her very often and she is with another man now and he is a nice guy and I have met him. They will get married i am sure once our divorce done. I don't have a issue with her not being at a occasion but it sends a message to the boys that she is not interested in there lives which i have a hard time with because my girlfriend is with me and only me! My girlfriend gave me an option if i could stand the fact that she would not be at any occasion EVER with my boys then we could talk about it. She also said that it sounds ridiculous but way to much bad things were said between my kids and her. So i think this is very immature if you ask me. Any feed backs good or bad anymore questions you have please feel free!
A
male
reader, silfoxx +, writes (24 June 2011):
silfoxx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo answer some of the questions that everyone has! Her reasoning is that my ex is not their mother and should have nothing to do with them even though they have known her for a very long time now and there mom is not in the same city as they are at this time. I can understand not being around my ex but because my kids are then that seems extreme to me! My second wife is living with another man now and i have no issue with that I have met him and he is a nice guy and good to my son. I believe they will get married after our divorce is finalized. My second wife and kids are in the same city and we our support system here because there is no other family here. I have no other relatives around anymore and i am the sibling in the family. So what I have chosen was my kids over her. My girlfriend gave me a choice if I was OK with her not being around when occasions happen with my kids then we can talk about it. I replied i could not do that and we broke up as you are aware. It still hurts and makes me think if I choose the rite way! I think that we are done allot of stuff was said. I am not angry or mad about it just hurt that my girlfriend can't see it and won't accept the fact the kids will be part of our lives forever! I know you are hearing one side of the story and wish you could hear the other side but that won't happen sorry! Any more thoughts? Kind of think the damage has been done but i would like to have feed back whether i am wrong or rite! Thanks all
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (24 June 2011):
What was the reason why she has a problem with being around your ex? I think you need to describe what her reasoning is. Is it because she is insecure, but hasn't admitted that. Maybe with encouragement and support, you can get her to see how unreasonable she is being, so maybe there is a chance you can figure things out. But I would say, try and understand why she feels the way she does, and see if you can resolve her fears/worries. If she is unwilling to budge, then it looks like unfortunately you're not going to work out together.
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A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (24 June 2011):
 Your girlfriend dated you and knew full well about your situation. It is obvious to assume that birthdays, marriages, baptisms, funerals etc and the "whole" family would be around including your children's mother. So she is not supportive to you there.
However, your girlfriend has every right to not attend these functions, she doesn't have to as it is her free choice. Therefore, if she wishes to stay at home or go some place else while this is happening then she can.
This doesn't help you but with regards to families etc you will most always be attending on your own. I think that is the deal you will have to do if you wish to persue your relationship with your girlfriend. I know in a happy world she "could" come to these things to support you, but she isn't the type that would. Yet again, that's her choice. she has that right.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (24 June 2011):
 I don't know how old your girlfriend was, but she sounds pretty immature for one thing. However you haven't really said if your second wife ever remarried. You didn't mention if you are still a little too friendly with her, for the sake of the kids. It may feel like "unfinished business" when she's around. I always say, it's uncomfortable to be around an ex, but usually I am a bit curious about them, and unless they are horrible bitches, I end up becoming friends once I get to know them. Now I seriously doubt your g/f is going to do that, but unless there's more to your story, she may just be immature. Good luck. I know you want this to work, but unless your g/f comes down off her high horse, I doubt it will.
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