A
male
age
30-35,
*euce
writes:So wat do i do, me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 2 years plus and have talked about having sex? She finally said she would talk to her mom about getting birth control.She has been avoiding it and so i reminded her that she should go talk to her, than i get a facebook message about how she isnt sure wat she should do because the bible says that you shouldnt have sex. But she really wants it with me. I personally am not waiting to marriage. so wat do i do? do i wait until marriage, move on, or is there some middle route for both of us?????
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2010): She is right, and I strongly believe the same way being a male myself. The Bible says against sex with someone you are not married to, and that's good enough for me. If you can't handle that and feel you need to break up with her, then that shows her you were not the one for her even though you've dated for a while. It's important to respect one another in marriage, and this test will prove some things to both of you.
The other thing I would ask is, are you interested in marrying her? If so, then what's stopping you from just going ahead and getting it done? If not, then why are you still dating? Are you both happy with just dating, or are either of you wanting to be married sometime in the near future?
It doesn't matter how many people are getting divorces today, it's better to marry the one you can't live without, then to go through a divorce later. How important is she to you, or is the sex more important? If she's more important than sex, then stay with her. If the sex is more important, than move on. Either way your true self will be revealed by your desicion.
But I'm with her on this one. The only place where sex should not be withheld is in marriage. But in dating, you should never demand it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): I personally doubt her not wanting to have sex with you has any thing to do with the bible, the fact that she said she would talk to her mother about birth control proves that having sex was possible, if she were against pre marital sex for religious reasons, there's no way she would have even considered it or been willing to have sex in the beginning in the first place. I think she's just scared to take that step.
with that being said, if you're ready to have sex and don't feel like you can wait, theres nothing wrong with letting her go.
what ever's going on with her is her issue, and you have a choice; you can either stay with her and wait for sex and try to help her through her issues or you can simlpy let her go and move on!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): It's obvious that you have different value systems.Almost everyone wants sex but her wanting to wait show that she is exercising self control.This is a good thing.That may help her resist the temptation to have sex with other people while married to you.
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A
male
reader, deuce +, writes (27 December 2009):
deuce is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe doesnt have a strong reasoning behind it, when we started dating she wanted to have sex before marriage, just of recently she has been thinking of this
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2009): You need to respect her decision and figure out whether you're in this for the long haul. Though if you've been dating her for 2 years and haven't taken that step, there must be some reason for that. You should probably break up with her since even if she does agree to sex, if she goes against her beliefs she might get upset with you, and definitely with herself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2009): I agree with Emily. You have your beliefs and she has hers. If you aren't going to let this drop then you might be better off breaking up with her and moving on to someone else who will have sex with you right now.
But something else makes me wonder about this. If your GF can't hold out for you, then will she really hold out? Or will she just have sex with the next BF that wants it a lot from her, whether it's your or someone else? It depends on the kind of person she is. You might break up with her and then watch her go off & have sex with her next serious BF anyway.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (27 December 2009):
Well if you want to marry her then wait for marriage. If you just want a girlfriend that you can have sex with then you should tell her that and move on.
Don't let her compromise her religious beliefs just so you can have fun. Especially if you don't plan to get married to her one day.
Respect her beliefs and if you don't think she's the one you'll marry then let her go.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, ppllzzx +, writes (27 December 2009):
hi, you didnt mention if she had a strong faith or not. well she is right the Bible does say that. You two both need to sit down and properly talk about it. If she does have a faith than putting pressure on her to go against what she believes could rack her with guilt.personally me and my bf have made the choice to save it till marriage for the same reason, and yes it is hard but we have chosen to honour God with our relationship as this is important to us. this could be important to her too. you need to put her first, before your own desires if this is truely what she wants.my advise is - dont put any pressure on her and find out what she truely wants. if it is to save it, then respect her and wait. yes its hard, but it will be worth it in the end, and she will love you for it.i have found that leaving the physical side has brought me and my bf closer together and we have a really good foundation to our relationship, so aswell as hard it will be very rewarding. hope this helps
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A
female
reader, sanrio.kawaii +, writes (27 December 2009):
If you love her enough you'll wait. If you don't, move on. You'll be shallow for dumping her just because she won;t sleep with you.
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