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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi there, My girlfriend and I have had a wonderful steady relationship for 9 months now. I have noticed on and off that she talks about her ex-boyfriends/sex partners quite frequently (almost daily). To be honest it is starting to bother me. She says she is over them, but I am not completely sure of that. What do you think.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): Hey,
I have the same problem. My current GF talked about her ex's constantly.
She's had bad relationships in the past and fairly good ones too but she says that she's never been in love like she is now (she's 35 / I'm 29).
She's spoken about all aspects of previous relationships from love making and happy times to MANY bad things. She has by the way been married before... I've met 3 of the ex's too. Her ex-husband was a celebrity comedian (met him too).
I have told her that I'm not interested in hearing about her ex's and she can't understand it.
Now, I'm fairly confident in all aspects. I own 2 companies, not insecure about my "performance" (she loves it), get along well with most ppl but I do have demons in my past. All in all I'm well rounded but the constant ex talk bothers the crap out of me as I don't do that on my ex's.
I do know she loves me, I know that sexually she's very satisfied (she mentions that its been the best she's had).
What I'm trying to say to you bud is the following. Be confident in yourself - if you're dealing with any insecurities thats totally fine - if you don't like hearing about them cause it bothers you - thats more important than her need to communicate about ex's on a social setting or to tell you about herself and where she's come from... Tell her you don't like hearing about ex's (I say it's pointless information - and sorry to hear about the bad ones but she's with a good guy now).
One thing though, when you tell her that you don't want to hear about ex's make SURE that it's not because you're insecure about it (even if you are) but rather because it doesn't make you feel good having her pull previous energies into your current relationship. Try to be a little considerate of her feelings but don't put yours to the side.
It will only make you resent her and thats not constructive to a relationship
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2006):
Perhaps this is a stupid question but, have you actually sat her down and told her that you would prefer it if she did not keep mentioning her ex's so much?
Maybe she is not completely over them, or perhaps she just needs someone to talk to about things that happened in the past, and that person isn't you. Talk to her, problem easily fixed.
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