A
female
age
41-50,
*uriousMe
writes:Ive been with my partner (we are a lesbian couple) close to a year and she still wants to text and talk and hang out with her ex and its killing me inside. Whenever my gf and I fight she goes to her ex and tells her about the fight in detail. Not to mention her ex still tells her she loves her, and for like the first 6mths of our relationship her ex would send flowers and cards and just show up at my gfs house out of no where. Also within the first 6mths my gf allowed her ex to spend the night one night and insisted that it was in seperate beds, and after the movie they went to go see, and hanging out for nearly the entire day her ex was too tired to drive the hour home. My gf says she shouldnt have to stop talking and hanging with the ex and I absolutly cant stand it. How would she feel if I went to a movie with an ex and my ex came over and fell asleep? ugg ok I need everyones opinion.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (25 July 2009):
 You've answered your own question, young lady. Straight or Gay, comitted relationships are just that. Your GF is playing you for a sucker and it is evidenced by her running to her ex when you fight, You are her trial run to see if she can stay away from her ex,m and she is failing...failing you.
She is bullshitting you hard....get rid of her...you deserve respect, and not to be subjected to these games as "flavor of the month".
Take my advice or leave it, but if you don't make her mind up for your GF and dump her, this will continue and you will be right back here in a few months wondering how it got to this point.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2009): Although I share the opinion that you should be able to be friends with whomever you like when you are in a relationship, I don't think it is OK to hurt your partner's feelings.
I believe that if your GF wanted to be with her ex she would be. After all they broke up for a reason. Try and give her the benefit of the doubt and clearly tell her when you're uncomfortable about what's going in on. If she loves you, she will take that into account, even if she shouldn't be forced to entirely give up a friendship.
Focus on making YOUR relationship work. It'll serve you best in the long run.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2009): I can imagine that being pretty frustrating, but I think its fair to say that sort of behavior is a tad inappropriate when your in a relationship. Have you tried to express to her the pain it causes you, and how uncomfortable it makes you, for her to spend time with her? If so, maybe you should try simply giving her a taste of her own medicine. If there is anyone she knows you have a intimate history with, try spending more time with them. If it comes down to it you may need to give an ultimatum, straight up say either you cut back on the time your spending with her, or include me in on those times or we may need to take some time apart.
Well, thats all I got. Hope it helps. CHEERS!
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (25 July 2009):
 your current gf doesnt respect u as a person.
if she did respect u she would take all what u say into consideration & she would not run back to her ex all the time when u have problems
i think she must secretly enjoy the attention from her ex otherwise why would she keep running back?
personally if anyone i was seeing did this to me, i would dump them.
it isnt healthy in a relationship when ur not respected and having to deal with your current partner running back to the ex to top it off.
there's nothing wrong with keeping in contact with ex's, but there is A LIMIT.
good luck!
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