A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I kissed my girlfriend on the lips for the first time 1 1/2 months after we started dating. Two days later She dumped me. She said I was over committing. She said she felt I was over committing and she became uncomfortable. What does that mean.She decided we shouldn’t see each other anymore because of it. She has a toy tractor of mine that I was letting her grandsons play with while they visited her. She sent an email to me saying if I wanted my tractor back right away, she would drop it off as soon as possible. Otherwise she was going to wait another 6 months. She figured by then, my great- nephew, she referred him by name, using both his first and middle name, would be old enough to play with it. Under the circumstances, why would she want to wait so long. This same woman placed my hand over her heart and held it there when she said she wanted to break things off. She did 2 other quirky things. Even when she was somewhat pissed at me, she would always find her way of sitting right tight and snug to me. She’d start out 8 to 12 inches apart but slowly work her way against me. When we sat together she would talk very softly. I would have to stain to hear her. She knows I can’t hear so well in that ear. Yet she would do it. When the phone rang, She would answer it stand 8 feet away and talk loudly so I would be able to hear her ‘private’ conversation.She knows I love her. She knows I mean it. I know she loves me too. She's been very hurt and traumatized in her last relationship. I know she is using the over committing as an excuse to prevent her furthering our relationship. To protect herself. How do I reach her heart and tell her I will never leave her. We belong together. That I want to be in her life. It take 3 seconds to say I love you.... I am in love with you. Hours to explain why I do and a life time proving it to her. [Moderator note: Two questions combined into one].I gave my girlfriend (55), the most loving kiss I could give her. (I waited months to do this. Our first kiss on the lips)I held her by her waist and looked lovingly into her eyes. Then slowly I pulled her in a little closer, cupping her soft face between my rough hands. I continued to gaze into her eyes then leaned in and gave a slow kiss. I then pulled away slightly and gave her a hug. She returned the hug. A very nice, very firm hug! And we held each other. Then I kissed the palm of her left hand and placed on my cheek. She stood there with a gazed look in her eyes. She took me by the hand, and led me to her hallway and showed a picture she had hanging of some friends that had 12 kids. She said her friends broke up three times before they married. I was standing behind her. She placed my hand on her breast and held it there. Then she pushed her butt into my groin. That's as far as we went. We made our way into her bathroom and we just looked at each other. I was still behind her holding her breast, her hand covering mine. She said I was handsome, and recounted our meeting the first time several years before.We made our way into her living room and began to talk about our future. I wanted to kiss her again, but she said she was confused, and rather I didn't. I didn't push it.The next day we spend 6 hours together. We went to a park for a walk (in the fall) then had a picnic, sitting on a blanket. She brought my favorite. Ham. She doesn't care for ham. Afterwards, she sliced a peach and we took turns feeding the slices to each other. We had a great time.At her place afterwards we spent a half an hour slow dancing in her living room. I've never seen her so relaxed and comfortable. Then we sat and she read to me. I didn't have my reading glasses. Afterwards She was sitting up against me with her head leaning forward, eyes closed, breathing soft and shallow. She was the most beautiful creature I ever seen.The next afternoon, I called her and I could hear and feel the pain in her voice, she had been crying. She said she couldn't see me again. What gives?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (12 March 2014):
 General rule of thumb: when someone tells you you're over-committing, they're not afraid of being hurt. It's a warning that your hopes and expectations far exceed their own. In short, they're not as interested in you as you are in them.
This woman is not in love with you. You're confusing your own infatuation with love and projecting that on to her. Some of what you describe is just common courtesy, and some of it affection, but I suspect she put up with a little more than she was really comfortable with so as not to outright reject you. When someone keeps pushing the boundaries, some people will let some things slide because they feel guilty about constantly reinforcing them. You may not be pressuring her for physical intimacy but you are coming on WAY too strong.
I don't how how to say this diplomatically so I'll just say it and hope it finds fertile ground.
The second part of your question, after the moderator note, was so cheesy it was difficult to read. I think you have a Disney/Harlequin Romance picture of what women want and unfortunately it doesn't match the reality. Tone it down.
Let this woman go. If she calls you again or if you meet someone new, SLOW DOWN and ease up on the lovey dovey. Dating doesn't have to look like the cover of an 80's Greatest Love Songs album.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 March 2014):
 She has a couple of screws loose. You did more than kiss. She put your hand on her chest, she grinded up against you, you and she were both lying together, this is a month in, and already you're professing love to her?
Telling someone you love them in a month and a half IS really rushing things, and there's this weird vibe going on in every description you're saying.
Best to back off now. She may have too much baggage, but you are moving fast for anyone who doesn't have baggage! If I heard a guy start telling me he loved me in that first month, I'd be spooked, especially if there's talk about spending the rest of one's life with me. TOO FAST!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2014): The lady just isn't ready for a relationship. Being a mature woman who has been through hell, she is not going to get herself into another relationship that quickly. She was happy with dating; so she feels too emotionally vulnerable to men right now.
People who have been through bad marriages and have reached their mature years, aren't quick to jump into committed relationships. They will still seek companionship, sex, and affection.
It takes time for them to ease their way into something more committed. You were professing your love; and getting too heavy with her all too soon. Rather than lead you on, she decided to just nip it at the bud. She just isn't ready. You're too much.
You are falling too quickly. You are also a mature-person and your loneliness is driving you into desperation. You can't fall in-love so deeply so soon.
She knows better; even if you don't. She prefers things to move along slowly and deliberately. She was hoping it would grow on her; but you dumped it on her all at once. You are extra-strength, she can handle that. You scared the living daylights out of her.
She still has to convince herself to believe love can happen again; but she knows it doesn't happen so fast. That's unrealistic, and she isn't going to let herself be trapped in it again. She is being ruled by her wisdom and better instincts.
Let it go. Move on. The next time, cool your jets.
It's good you're a romantic; but you have to keep things
grounded, and in realistic perspective. Just reading your post was like reading a romance-novel. It's okay when you're in your teens, but women her age just don't buy it. It comes off like sweet-talk, just BS to get in their pants.
Smooth-talk, and romance is good in reasonable doses. Too much, and you get the reaction that you got. There's nothing wrong with it, it's just that it doesn't work for some women. You may have given her flashbacks of how her other relationship began; which she is apparently not completely over yet.
All the quirks you described are because she may be a little bit of a wacko-doodle. She has some neurotic quirks; but they aren't the reason she broke up with you. She just isn't ready for your style of romance.
Try to understand, and move on.
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