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male
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anonymous
writes: Ive been with my girlfriend for 4yrs we met when she was 18 and we have had no problems. we were planning on getting a house and having a wedding in the next year. she had an pregnacy scare, and didn't tell me about it, freaked out and told me she needed time alone. i gave her space but she started seeing one of my mates who i don't trust and she has hated. I can't believe i want her back still but i love her and would do anything.I finally got some sense out of her this week and it seems, she's scared of how fast her life is going. but more importantly she hates herself; her body her looks her personality. she keeps telling me she's evil and she doesn't deserve me and she's felt this through our whole relationship. She is a good person and is very beautiful. the thing is she's never done anything before this to hurt me, so i don't understand. she still wants me around but she doesn't want to get back with me cause she thinks she's not good enough for me and wants me to live my life. She is an emotional mess at the moment but still goes out with my mate who she says she has no feelings for. I feel like she's hiding herself away and not facing the problem and giving us a chance. I don't want to leave her cause she needs help, but i can't stick around knowing she's with someone else.I need real help.
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (23 June 2006):
 You cannot help this girl on your own, and if you try the chances are you could become emotionally damged by the failure. I really would suggest getting her to seek some sort of professional help. She ahs some serious mental issues and needs as much support as possible from trained sources.
Get her to contact her GP in the firts instance, or a school counseller fro help.
xx
A
female
reader, camille +, writes (22 June 2006):
 I can't be sure of course, but it sounds like your girlfriend has been through something traumatic and is left with very low self-esteem. Perhaps a bad relationship breakup, infidelity, parents' divorce etc. I can understand her fear of life moving too fast, but it sounds like there's a deeper unhappiness causing this reaction. Unless of course the pregnancy scare was a trigger? You need to be patient, supportive and understanding to encourage your girlfriend to talk about it, open up or get help. Then you can decide if you have a future. She also need to respect you. This other man could be her pressing the self-destruct button and punishing her self. If she feels worthless and self-hate, doing something that is awful will cement those feelings and confirm them, so she feels justified saying them. It could be on a subconscious level that she's acting like that, but if you really believe that she's worth it and you can stand by her facing the problem, I applaud you and admire your strength and love. Don't forget about yourself, it may mean you have to step away and let her get on with it alone whilst you look after yourself. You deserve happiness too. Good luck.
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