A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:The title says it. My girlfriend is gonna go out tonight to the movies with her ex. I've never been the jealous type, so I guess this would be the first time I feel like this, and it's killing me. Why do I feel like this? I think I know. They had sex many times in their time, and she says he was the best one right after me.I believe her when she says they're just friends now. I live 2 hrs away, cuz I'm in college, but I spend the weekends with her. We have sex on both days (saturday and sunday) usually. So tonight, she has the day off at work, and she's bored. So she started calling people and plan something for the night, nobody answered, or if they did, they said they were busy. The only one available was her ex, who works not far from her. He got out of work at 6pm. He asked her if she wanted to go to the movies with her, and she said yes obviously, cuz she's bored.She just told me, and I said it's fine. (cuz it is, ain't it? I don't know...) Me and my girlfriend have been together for 1 year and 3 months, I've never cheated on her and neither has she. I trust her. She has never lied to me about anything and neither have I. I love her and she loves me. But... why do I feel it's wrong that she's goin' out with him? How do I deal with this jealous feeling? How do I tell her how I feel about it without making her angry? I know that if I tell her how I feel she's gonna say: "Don't be ridiculous!!! We're just friends!!!" It's not the first time she says this when I tell her what I think about something, and it pisses me off when she says this. So how do I tell her without getting this response? Help please? PS: I know by the time this question is posted, she will be back already and we will have already talked on the phone and hung up. But I still wanna hear your thoughts and advice, for future occasions.Thanks
View related questions:
at work, her ex, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): She's definitely playing you, are you serious you're ok with her hanging out with her ex. Ummmmm wowwwww so yeahh watch out cause I can guarantee she's sleeping with the other guy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot, anonymous Aunt, that was really good. The thing now is, I don't know how to approach her about my concern, cuz it has happened before, not that she's going out with an ex, but situations that I go ahead and tell her how I feel about something and she almost always says I'm being unreasonable, and I think I'm not, I'm never unreasonable, why? because I always ask about it here in dearcupid, and people almost always agree with how I feel.
...............................
A
female
reader, ashie31  +, writes (3 November 2010):
If i were in shoes i certainly would be jealous. I wouldn't allow my boyfriend to hang out with his ex's because girls and guys can sometimes make things complicated and make talk yu into something you may regret.hanging out with an ex in my view is not something i would be cool about. talk to her and tell her you just feel really uncomfortable even if they are just friends you still don't feel as if its right. sometimes talking and getting it out helps in the long run. good luck :)
...............................
A
female
reader, RomanticGURL  +, writes (2 November 2010):
 Hi there,
I think you are well within your rights to question it.
If she truly loved/cared about you she would be more conscious of your feelings too.
If I were you I would be honest about my concerns,
and not back down, and she should pay attention and
take your perspective into account.
A relationship, at the end of the day, is about two
people.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the fast response. You asked: "Now do they hang out constantly, or is this a once in a blue moon deal?"
No actually, they only talk to each other like once or twice each month. She visits him sometimes at work, eats something and leaves. (He works at a fast food restaurant)
One side of me tells me there's no reason to be jealous, but on the other one, the little devil tells me exactly what you said, that it's him I don't trust, that he might make a move on her, and... she might like it... man... this is killing me.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): I've felt this way before when my guy goes out with close female friends. It's always best to put your feelings out on the table, and if she belittles you for your concern and doesn't try to compromise, that just says she's immature. Be wary if she doesn't reassure you, even if you are, in fact, the insecure one.
Try to meet this guy at some point. Try to remember that she broke up with him for a reason, and if she wanted him, she wouldn't be dating you. Take note of how you both feel in the relationship. Is she happy? If not, be wary here too.
It's strange and a bit insensitive, in my opinion, to go out alone with an ex after you have raised concern about it. And he asked her. That's a bit odd. But think: she's never given you a reason not to trust her, right? And she told you they were going out. Maybe it's nothing to worry about. Gently raise concern again. Tell her you are not comfortable with it, as you are worried about...well, losing her. You love her, he had his chance and it didn't work out, so intimate activities (meeting up alone) are out of the question at this point. One on one things are couple things, I feel, and he shouldn't be alone with her.
Good luck! And keep your cool!
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (2 November 2010):
 Out of her phone contacts, and all her friends on Facebook her ex who happens to be a friend was the only one available?
Well if you're not comfortable with it you're going to have to pipe up and say something. Personally, I wouldn't be too pleased either if my husband went to the movies with an ex. It just doesn't go together you know? You can't tell her who she can and can't hang out with but you can tell her you understand they're friends, and you completely trust her but you're still not comfortable with the idea. I mean they have a history and it's him you don't trust. Now do they hang out constantly, or is this a once in a blue moon deal? If so, then there's nothing to worry about from your post it sounds like your girlfriend has good judgement. However, if it's becoming a habit then I would be voicing my opinion. The trust is there, don't question it.
...............................
|
