A
male
age
41-50,
*uhd
writes:I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years nearly and we've had some great times and some really bad times. I think trust is the biggest issue we have with each other. I'm almost 30 and trying to get into film as well but with no luck especially in the UK. My girlfriend went with her parents on holiday in the beginning of december and was there for exactly a month. Now just before she left we had a fight and did not speak and hardly texted during that month. Now she has come back and seems really different. She's distant with our relationship but still wants me around her. I've always been madly in love with her and she has been to, but things are different now with her seemingly distancing herself. There seems to be no passion and no love here. Everyday is the same, i come back from work, make dinner, watch films and go to sleep. I try sometimes by maybe massaging her to make her feel comfortable. But she is not even in the mood to kiss. She keeps telling me that i don't knw how she feels, but she won't seem to tell me. Last week i did something really bad. She constantly has her phone with her and never leaves anywhere without it. I checked her phone. I know its bad. And i regret doing it. I found texts from her cousin to her, saying how much he loved her. And also explicit stuff....like bodily functions if you get what i mean. Also he said he can never live without her. I apologized to her and then asked her what it was all about. She just said that her cousin is weird and that nothing happened. But she wanted to have a sense of power over me, it felt good that someone was feeling that towards her. There were no sent messages so i can never know what she said. But i know she's been speaking a lot to her best friend, which is fine but now i'm so paranoid. I was debating to leave for 6 months and go to Philippines or america to try my hand in film. But now with my relationship feeling so lost, i don't know if i should go. Why have things gone to this level. It really feels as if we're not really going out and she's just with me till she finishes her degree at university.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): mate if i was you i would reverse the pschycology of the situation. ive learnt the devil is in the detail you mentioned she liked the fact of having some power with the fact the someone else feels like that about her. WAKE UP LAD she is telling you that you arent doing what your meant to. Its become stale after 4 years YOU need to take the CONTROL you NEED to start acting like your the one who is getting bored of the whole thing, stop being available for her and start doing things that dont include her so much eg next time she wants u 2 do something maake some excuse that gives the impression that you have some exciting plans that dont include her, also stop asking her for sex and stop chasing her start to turn the tables and have her start to want to chase you and want to spend time with you but make it a challenge to her to spend time. If you can do this then you will sudenly seem like a challenge and a chase again. MAKE HER CHASE OK MATE TRUST ME SHES JUST BORED
A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (20 January 2008):
 When we women start to feel as if the relationship isn't giving them what we need we turn inward and become distant with our partner. We talk to our friends. My guess is that if the contact was minimal when she was on holiday that it really gave her time to think about what she wants and if she is getting it from your relationship. It sounds like she didn't feel you were giving her enough attention in the relationship.
Sadly, it does seem as if she has her answer and she is just trying to figure out the next step and possibly to make sure she is making the right move. Four years is a long time to be together and you are living together, she can't just up and leave. While you still have here there with you, I think you need to have an open heart to heart. You could start with, "I understand that I have made you feel neglected, what can I do to make things right?"
You say you were going to leave for 6 months. I think it would be best if you continued with your plan. If things were good with the relationship would you have left? Even in a good relationship, there is always a chance it will go sour in that amount of time away. If you stay and things don't go well in your relationship, you will then regret not going.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Somethingeasy +, writes (20 January 2008):
 Odds are (and this not meant in a mean or disrespectfulway, which others on this site may not agree with, but I like to give you a reality check of whats really going to happen) Odds are that you two wont last much longer. Relaionships come and go in life. This one may not have been one meant to last, mabey more like a steping stone. You seem young enough. Mabey its best for you to leave nown instead of waiting for her to break up with you. Go try your luck in another country. You have your whole life ahead of you and more women to come. Dont settle. If it seems that you are distance right now, it will probally fall apart later.
As for the cousin, That is a very wierd senaro, you should of gone more into detail. Id stay away from a person with family members like that.
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