A
male
age
41-50,
*dizzlefosizzle
writes:Ok so this has been going on for a few months now. My gf and i have been together for about a year and we've lived together since august of last summer. We used to have sex without discussion and anywhere from 3-6 times a week. The first night we actually hung out we had sex. It was amazing and we ended up falling in love with each other later on after establishing a relationship. Lately, she has turned me down more often than not and told me she just doesnt want or need sex anymore. This was so abrupt and i must admit it is hurtful. Sex is by far not the most important thing to me but it sure does hurt me when i am turned down by the girl i love. She says once a week would be the most she could find reasonable if at all. She also said anymore than that would be her doing it just to make me happy and thats not right. Every time i try shes says no nowadays and makes excuses for example..."im tired, "its too early", and even flat out "i just dont want to have sex." then when i express my concern she gets really angry, sometimes telling me "if u dont think u get it enough, find someone who will give it to u more" im really confused. I mean, we have our big fights like every couple does, i just feel unwanted and shut out by all this. I am so in love with her and i know she feels the same. I will say the only times we have been having sex are when she wants it or initiates it. Even if im not up for it, i give it a shot and she ends up turning me on to it, but as i said, thats once a week if at all. I wish she would do the same. Can anyone please lend advice as to whats goin on. Thanks much Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): definitely talk to her. don't try to push sex on her because if she seriously doesn't want it, she'll think you're being a greedy asshole. probably not fair, i know, but i'm just saying.
be really patient and ask her if there is any reason why she doesn't want to do it anymore. tell her that you aren't asking this just because you want to figure it out so you can start having sex again. it's REALLY important that she knows that.
let her know that you're really just worried something's wrong, because she used to want it a lot more often and it seems like it changed so suddenly. if she says she seriously just doesn't want it anymore and that's all there is to it, maybe ask some questions to probe a little further and find out (in a subtle way) if she's being honest. just things like "so basically you just feel like you don't have the same sex drive as when we started dating? is there a certain point in time that you just started feeling like you didn't want it anymore? or was it a gradual thing and you just never mentioned it until now?" etc. asking these kinds of questions might help you get some more answers about what exactly is going through her head right now.
if she gets mad at you for all the questions, just be really sincere and let her know that you aren't trying to press her, but you're just really confused and concerned about what's going on and that you just want to understand what she's thinking right now.
if she's cheating on you, she might get overly defensive and not want to talk about it, or she might have weird answers for your questions that don't really add up.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): Time to face facts mate - she's either totally fallen out of love with you or - the more obvious reason - she's found someone else. She should have the guts to actually say so but my guess is she's playing it the coward's way, hoping you'll get fed up and just eventually leave her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): LOOK OUT!! Usually when a woman distances herself from sex, it usually means she's also emotionally distancing herself from YOU. This could be a prelude to the "I need space" schpiel or "we need to see other people" speech. I dont know any woman younger than 55 that doesnt want to have sex. she might want sex but not from you. good luck
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A
female
reader, nicegirl19  +, writes (27 May 2009):
There can be two possibilities:Maybe your girl has found someone else who is satisfying her more than you are or there is something really troubling her and she wants to sort that out. Right now having sex with you is not her priority. You should talk to her and tell her exactly what you are feeling. Communication is the key. Be crystal clear when you are in a relationship. You love her then it should be your responsibility to see to it that your partner is happy. She is definitely not happy with you. But you say she initiates sex sometimes, that means there is a scope of making things work out between the two of you. Be gentle with her and ask her what she wants. Make sure that "suffocation" does not enter between the two of you. The only good solution is that you speak to her. Tell her what is bothering you and discuss it with her. If she looks troubled then be sweet to her and talk her out of it. If you do good to her.. she would definitely want to give it back. Things never work out one way. Remember that.take care.:)
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (27 May 2009):
 I have felt like this from time to time, I think its a hormonal thing. You need to talk to her and see if she has any other problems. If she seems fine then just give her time and don't come on to her, remain affectionate but don't do anything to make her feel as if you want sex. X
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A
female
reader, anora  +, writes (27 May 2009):
i really feel sorry for you but maybe the best thing to do is to find some moment and discuss with your gf if something is bothering her. it might be that maybe she is not feeling well with you. if she says she has no problems with you then check wheter she is fed up with you or has another person in her mind.
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