A
male
age
41-50,
*ondor
writes:My (currently long distance) girlfriend started to be very distant with me. At first I put it down to stress from university. I spent her birthday weekend with her, and she seemed to have a good time. However, there was still a lack of emotion or affection.On getting home, I send her a message asking about. She tells me she'll talk to me when she has the time, as she "has a lot she needs to think about", but it'll probably be the next day.Five days later, I hear nothing. I send an email at this point and add that if she doesn't want me anymore or has found someone else, to just say so.Anyway, I get no reply so I figure she isn't interested anymore but wasn't prepared to actually say so.However, now for the twist. I've had two of her best friends get in touch with me. Apparently she stopped talking to them at the same time she disappeared on me. We've all tried getting in touch with her, by various means, but no reply. She's also in the last few days deleted her facebook and online blogs (none of which had been updated since before all this), so we know she's okay physically at least.This is totally out of character for her. She used to be in touch with each of us at least once every day.So the question bit: do we just wait? Do we keep trying to get in touch? It's been three weeks now since her friends or I have heard from her...is there anything we can do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010): Get in contact with her family and have a chat with them.
This kind of behaviour is very unusual and frankly sounds like a mental breakdown.
Tell her family what's been going on and tell them that you're worried about her. If you're finding it impossible to contact her and if her family are having the same trouble.
Then somebody needs to go and see her in person. Preferrably a parent or sibling.
It's probably best if you let them sort things out if indeed she has had a breakdown, let her know you're there but that she shouldn't feel any pressure.
A
male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (8 June 2010):
 If this was just you I'd say leave it alone. But if things are changing that drastically and this is THAT out of the ordinary for her than I'd say you guys need to continue pursuing her. While it may be nothing, this could be a sign of depression. Depression can be well hidden for quite a long time where nobody can tell.
Again, it may be that she's just moving on or some other minor thing but there is a potential for it to be something bad. I wouldn't give up on her until you get the full story. She seems to be going through something to make all of these changes. Possibilities besides depression include hooking up with the wrong crowd, drugs, etc.
I think you're better off having her mad at you for trying to hard and annoying her than sitting back, doing nothing, and regretting it later.
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