A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:ive been with my current gf for about 3 months. it all seemed great at the begining but as i really got to know her. i found out that her ex husband abused her kids she did not go into it but i assumed sexually.she is now having issues with her son hes 17 he seems to be very demanding and there is alot of issues going on here.(drama ) she see to think that she is alot better than others. and i sometimes feel that she feel the same about me. im i own several properties and own my own house. she is currently unemployed. from what i see she has always tired to give her son all that he wanted not she is trying to take some of it back and he is acting up. last week he went to hospital to say he was depressed and was going to kill himself. she somehow convinced him to come home but is currently taking him to therpy. am i worng for question my relationship? it seems like she has not gotten over past issue it been 7 years since her divorce and she just has also of unresolved issues. i feel like she has such different views on certain issues eg. she feel because she has give her son the best that he will be sucessful. i told her that there is no gurantte in life. she also feels that only people on welfare or down on there luck should be in the military. i was really offended by this as i served in the Marine corp. she thinks her soon is too good to serve. i told her that she need to see someone and today she told me that i was right and that she is willing to see some one but wanted to know right now if i wanted to be in the relationship. she think that becasue she and her son are seeking treatment that the problem is fixed and i should be ok. i told her that change happen gradully and it would take time. she did not seem to take it well am i being unfair? just want some other perspective.
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depressed, divorce, her ex, military Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011): If her views offend you, then it's probably better that you not be in a committed relationship with her. she may very well have a lot of emotional baggage, and if you stay involved with her it will become your baggage too, so it's your choice.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 November 2011):
 For me personally her attitude and "emotional baggage" would be a deal breaker. I can't see how you can have much in common with this woman (given her views). She might get some better coping skills through therapy, but she will still be who she is and have the views she does. So I guess it's up to you if you find her compatible or not.
As for her son and the military, well as a mother I don't want my kids to serve either, though when they get old enough that will be THEIR choice. They are after all Army brats. I do agree with her that her son shouldn't serve. If he is suicidal, the military is no place for him. However, I don't think ANYONE is too "good" to serve.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 November 2011):
 To be honest with you no amount of therapy or help is going to make her change who she is. These are her opinions and it looks like you are trying to change her in to something that she is not. Off course you don't agree with her opinions but that's life. No amount of therapy is going to make her feel any different. It is a shame she feels like her and her son are better than other people, because everyone in this world is equal and should not feel they are better just because they have things that others don't. It sounds like she spoils her son, maybe to make up for what he went through in the past. I understand that she wants the best for her son, but if he wants to be in the military well then he should live his own life, she needs to let go of the apron strings. By the sounds of things you are not happy in this relationship and you are both to different to make things work. I guess it is really up to you and what you want to do. But if you don't feel happy and you and her are always disagreeing well then maybe it is time to move forward and leave the relationship. I wish you all the best in whatever choice you make.
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