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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 months now and things are going amazingly way. I met her at college so we are currently doing the long distance thing until we go back to school in the Fall. The whole experience has made us a lot closer, so we began to talk a lot more about very personal stuff. Just to give some background information, before dating her I had 3 sexual encounters in the past and only one of them leading to sex. She has also had 3 encounters in the past but the furthest she ever got was giving a hj and she had never even been touched. The first semester she had a small fling with one of my suite mates, she gave him a hj twice and then the relationship ended. Second semester we hit it off the first night and started dating soon after. 6 months later the sex stuff gets brought up. After finding out that she had given him an hj I cant get this small nagging feeling out of my gut. I don't like the fact that my suite mate has seen her topless and has had that small encounter with her, and now still gets to see her all the time. She said that even when she sees him, she doesn't even think about it. She says that with him there was no feelings and the fact that she loves me makes me and her completely different. I am her first with everything past a hj and the first go to ever touch her or see her naked below the belt. We have been having sex for about 4 months now so I know that the past fling really cant compare at all, yet that nagging feeling still remains. Its only the fact that I live with the guy that bothers me, am I just over thinking things?
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (12 July 2010):
 I suggest you stop living with the guy if you can. Seeing him every day will be a constant reminder.
Other than that: realise that a hand-job pales in comparison to what you have had with her. It's really minor, if you can't get over this imagine how things might be in the future with other girls you know have had multiple sexual partners before you. Which is how it will be.
One last thing: on this talking about 'very personal stuff'. That's all good, but i suggest you avoid past sexual experience. It's almost never a good topic, as you have no doubt realised.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): That situation can be kinda tough and I could understand why you would get the nagging feeling. That being said, I feel that you should really look at your relationship and see if this is a real issue or just a temporary moment of insecurity. To me it sounds like you had a lot more experience before this girl, so if anything she might feel this way about you too. I know the fact that your living with the guy can make it a little more "in your face". However, you did say the girl loves you and didn't have any attachment with him. It college so stuff like that can be common, it just kinda comes with the territory. That fact that you each have enough trust to be in a long distance relationship and still be getting stronger should answer your question. Past is past, just know that you are more then the last guy will ever be because in the end, she's with you not him.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 July 2010):
 I don't want to go over the issue of trust and whether it's right or wrong for you to linger over this. Is it too late to change suites? The suite mate is not your friend, she feels nothing for him, why not make your semester more pleasant by moving into a different hall? If, in a new environment you are still thinking about this then it's your problem.
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