A
male
age
41-50,
*nloveluc
writes:I've been dating my girlfriend for 8 months now. From day one she has been extremely open about her relationship with her ex. They have a four year daughter together and they coparent . They both agreed when they split up that they wanted what was best for their daughter and they really work together to make that happen.I respect that . I actually think it's amazing how well they get along and how they put their differences aside for their child. But at the same time it's kinda hard to see. They literally Do everything together. Last year at Christmas he spent the night at her place so he could be there when she woke up Christmas morning. They even vacation together. Which I find kinda odd.i have noticed that her ex flirts with her and it's very clear that he is still attracted to her. A few weeks ago we went away for the day with his family to celebrate the little girls birthday. My girlfriends ex found a way to always be with her or touch her. He flirted like crazy and didn't even try to hide the fact that he was checking her out. Again today when we went to drop her daughter of fb he made it very clear that he was checking out my gfs ass then looked at me with a smile. It was like he wanted me to see.We are total opposites he is a tattooed, body builder and I'm an accountant. I'm 8 years older then my girl friend and he is her age. I know that she is incredibly gorgeous and I'm sure guys look at her but it drives me crazy that he doesn't even hid it. It makes me uncomfortable to even think about what he might try if they were alone together.i don't want this insecurity to cause any issues in our relationship so any advice on how to get over it would be great
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male
reader, inloveluc +, writes (12 October 2015):
inloveluc is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe doesn't like the attention usually she makes a way to slip away from him without causing a scene. If he put his arms round her she walks away, if he touches her leg she will air her daughter in her lap.I did talk to her and hair explained that I worried what he might try if they were alone and she said he knows her boundaries and wouldn't try anything. She think he is just trying to get under my skin. I'm the first guy that she has dated serious enough to met her daughter and she said that she think he feels threatened by that. I do as much for her As I can to show I care about her. On the weekend that her daughter goes to her ex we do something special. All attention focused on her and for the poster wondering about bonding with her daughter we have a great friendship. Her mom works late on Wednesday's so it's our "date" night. I pick her up from school and we usually make dinner together and she is in charge that night so it's usually hours of playing tea party and playing on the trampoline .
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2015):
Hello
Throughout reading this I thought only of two things, the first was 'This guys sounds like a great guy, she'd be foolish to lose him.' The second was 'Why hasn't he talked to her about this?' It seems to me that you simply need to communicate your feelings and insecurities to her, as gently as you put it across in your letter and if she's really a grown up, she'll understand and here is what she would do; she would assure you that she has no more feelings for him and she would put an end to his stupid, intrusive and undignified behaviour by telling him off, seriously. I really don't know why she hasn't done it already. Please, just talk to her, see what she says then go from there. Tell her what it is you want, or nothing will change. If you challenge this guy directly, he seems like the type to only rise to your challenge, so that's why she has to be the one to stop it.
look after yourself
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2015): Sounds like this guy is purposefully doing this flirting and touching her in front of you to mark his territory. What a jerk. He is probably a bit threatened by her dating other men. Unfortunately, if you say anything to him or try to do this behavior back, it just creates a whole scene and you end up looking bad and jealous. I think you need to discuss how you feel with your girlfriend, and set some boundaries together about the touching and flirting. Why does she put up with this from him? Does she like the attention? What does she need from you to feel the same? Does she realize it is controlling behavior on his part? Can she show your relationship the respect it deserves and put a stop to this chimp-like behavior from her ex?Also you should both set time aside every week to be with only each other, and some times just the two of you and the daughter, to create bonds outside of the ones that include the ex.You will have to have her communicate the boundaries with the ex herself. If she wants to have a good relationship with you she needs to make room for it in addition to her other family obligations. She needs to do this to build the trust back that she has lost by letting this go on. If she will not do this for you now, I would not think the relationship will last too long. It is impossible to date a single parent that uses the child as an excuse to be a bad girlfriend/boyfriend. It makes things harder, but the hard work coming from her past choices is on her, not you.Hope this helps, and that you and your girlfriend can work this out.
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