A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Recently, my GF admitted she had a past sexual addiction. I was not totally unaware of this, but recently we've been having our own tension when it comes to sex. She now views sex as "dirty." She now is not capable of being intimate with me. How can we work on this situation where we will both be comfortable with sex again? However, she is in a rush to get married. Although I love her, how can I be sure I won't suffer from this sex withdrawal she's doing to me now?Just want to be sure I know what I'm getting into...
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2013): Just dump her OP. She's only a girlfriend and she wants to be married with zero sex at all?
Now you can bang your head off the wall, spend months maybe even years trying to "fix" her or you can just move on the another women who is sexual.
No sex = no relationship.
She's admitted that sex is a huge issue for her, this can't be fixed. If you're suffering withdrawal now imagine the concept of never having that ever again.
A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (21 April 2013):
 If she won't have sex with you now she definitely won't after you get married! She possibly needs some kind of therapy to work on these issues. But if she has decided sex is not for her then you need to respect that. Either agree to a life without, or move out!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2013): Hold on my friend she wants to get married kind of quick, but views sex as dirty. Addiction in what context? lady of the evening? Just out of long or multiple FWB relationships? Just finished a sugar daddy relationship? Sex addiction like the famous movie actor David Dicoveny of the X files? I suspect after coming out of therapy she has developed this response to sex as a defence mechanism. I don't know. Has she given up on any physical contact in a potential relationship with you? No kissing or any touching what so ever? Will she let you hold her hand? Please provide a clearer description. Unless you want to become a catholic priest how in the hell will you be able to deal with this issue? My friend not being able to be intimate with a partner is the number one deal breaker in a relationship and the next issue is trust. How can you have trust if you cant develop intimacy? Is sex dirty because she has been busy giving it to anyone? You better ask her why and get the full lowdown from her. But before you do you better suck back a couple of whiskeys because what you hear might drive you to drink for good. I hate to say this but you are going to suffer because you are a victim of what she has gone through. It is to bad she wasn't honest with you once you developed the relationship with her. Now are you prepared to live under her terms and conditions? How are you going to have a family if she hates sex? Hire a surrogate? Does she just hate sex because you a have a pecker? Or does she now like the girls? Is she taking medications? Did you ask her how she is going going to get her sexual desires or satisfactions? Has she gone to the dark side? If you don't know my friend you better find out all this stuff before you do anything more with this women. Don't be under any idea that you can help her. If she wanted your participation she would of gone with you to a psychologist to try and work out a comprise or at least let you understand what she has gone through. That hasn't happened has it? You didn't say. My friend hold off on the marriage and take her to a psychologist and ask a lot of hard questions. Then decide if you want to live with her. Don't even go near a marriage chapel until you do. Walk forward carefully. Good-luck...
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (21 April 2013):
Dear OP,
I agree with janniepeg - why would you guys want to rush into marriage right now if there are REALLY important questions that you both can't answer yet?
Marriage won't fix this.
It's not just about a temporary sex withdrawal.. this might end in years of mutual crisis, where she feels your disappointment and dissatisfaction, you try to be kind but inside you are angry.. you try not to pressure her but then, you still find yourself pressuring.. been there done that.
I would suggest couple therapy, but don't make sex the only topic. Talk about your marriage plans and your future together, as well. This is a problem, but with time and patience you might find a good solution.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (21 April 2013):
 Sex will not suddenly become sacred and beautiful after a marriage and signing a piece of paper, if she thinks sex is dirty now.
She feels she is in a dilemma. Men leave her after sex and because of lack of sex, so she feels marriage is the solution to her pain of abandonment. This is not fair for you.
You are lucky that she told you her real story, rather than spewing out some religious reasons of waiting after marriage to trap you.
I would not get married to her until she is comfortable with sex again. Whatever happened to her, like sexual abuse, acting out, being rebellious, you have to have the faith that nothing is to big for her to heal. Sex can be a form of therapy. Learn touches that are gentle or soothing, then gradually move on to playful things like teasing. Watch porn together, those that are made by women and designed for women, and none of that degrading, rough mainstream sex. She will feel a lot of pressure like you are testing her in a trial period. It takes a lot of patience for you to deal with this. If you are not the patient kind, when you suspect you have to pretend that you are, then you are not right for each other. She might be better suited with a guy with no sex drive, or an older partner. Only marry her if you feel this is as good as it gets and you are okay with it, and you don't mind that she might never feel sexual again.
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