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female
age
51-59,
*ummer6726
writes: I have been in a relationship for 2.5 yrs. My partner has these emotional outbursts that have really made it difficult for me to want to continue. I have been patient and asked her to get help a long time ago but it still happens..it feels like sabotage and I feel like ending things. I am very confused...help??? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2006): The other Aunts give, good insightful advice to you and I concur. Dear, I have to assume, that these outbursts are very disturbing, in light of the fact, you have asked her to seek help. Also, judging from your age, this is likely a very committed relationship where you at one point, was considering a furture long term. So in other words, you were considering a lifelong commitment to a mentally ill woman and now doubts are plaguing you. She does sound depressed. So I don't blame you..it must be very difficult. What kind of future life do you think this woman and you will have? She needs help and if she's not doing anything to get that help for her illness and is in denial, then you may have no choice, but to walk away. I had a mentally ill family member. She has outbursts of anger, crying sessions for weeks, months...it was a bad scene. To this day, this family member is not better. She has it under control through medication and counseling but it's still a daily struggle for her. Mental illness is a disability and to become involved with a mentally ill person and hope that he/she will "get better" is not reality. I understand you don't want to leave her, in a time of need but you need to look after your own state of mind and use guilt to drive you to make poor choices that will effect the rest of your life. It is not fair to you.
But first...I would see if she will seek help and intervention. Support her but let her know if she chooses to not get help, then you will not stick around and allow this behaviour to destroy your relationship, because eventually, it will, anyways. She does have to learn to help herself and she has to 'want' to do that. I wish you the best, hun. Take care, be strong and good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2006): I really feel for you. I have some experience in this area, as my mother is similar to your partner. My father had a horrible time with her, and finally left four years ago after 29 years of marriage.
All i can say is that your partner won't change unless she wants to. Even your leaving may not lead to her getting help. Your priority must be self-preservation. Your own mental health is being affected by this, and so perhaps you might be better off getting some distance from the relationship.
Asking, insisting on, or begging her to get help will be pointless unless she realises she has a problem.
My mother has seen several counsellors since my dad left, and has lied to them all. She refuses to believe that she is responsible for her own life and relationships, and blames everybody else for the way things have turned out.
I hope you can find the strength to do what is right for yourself; your partner certainly isn't prioritising your needs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2006): Ive been with my partner for 3.5 yrs, the first 2 years of our relatinship was v difficult for him as I was prone to emotional outbursts, I got very argumentative didnt show him any trust or respect at times I guess. He split up with me after 2 years cos he couldnt take it anymore-he loved me but wasnt happy and didnt feel we could work. It tore my heart out I really struggled to deal with it but my friends helped me. I understood why he had left and I dont blame him for that - We got back together after a month and started from the begining. Because Id been shocked into realising my 'issues' our relationship has worked, I dealt with the fact that I was suffering from depression and saw my GP and dealt with other issues, now we live together and have our 1st baby on the way. What Im saying is until yr shocked into the reality of how bad yr issues are and how badly they are affecting those close to you you just carry on, she may be depressed taking anger out on you because she can-not because she wants to hurt you but cos its a release. Think hard about whether you want to stick around carry on taking this or whether to leave her would be best for you and maybe help her realise her issues. You could try talking to her and let her know this really is the final straw, that may help open her eyes to how difficult she has become. Good luck x
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