A
male
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anonymous
writes:Three years ago I went though a bad break up with my live-in girlfriend, that left me financially broke (she took everything) and emotionally bankrupt. I tried desperately to get her back. I kept in contact with her and her three small children, even sending them birthday gifts after the break up, though she had moved to a different state. Nothing worked. She has now met anohter man, remarried and is currently pregnant with his child. There is no hope that she will ever return to me now. Then about a year ago, I met wonderful, beautiful woman. We had an immediate connection. She was sweet, caring, loving, and fun to be around. We shared many of the same hobbies and interests. She is not only a great companion, but someone I have fallen in love with. The problem is, she accuses me of holding on to the past. I admit, I do still e-mail my ex-girlfriend from time to time, to see how she and her kids are doing (I wasn't their father) and I have kept all of her photos on my computer. This seems to be a problem for my new girlfriend. She also complains that I'm not affectionate or romantic with her (holding her hand, kissing her in public, putting my arm around her when we watch TV etc.) and says she feels more like a "gal-pal" most of the time, rather than a romantic partner. And because she knows that I was romantic with my old girlfriend she doesn't understand why I'm not like that with her. I don't really have an answer, I think romance is overrated and I have other things to worry about, like my career and my two college-aged boys. She also complains about my sex drive. I admit, when I was involved with my former girlfriend, she was 23 years old, and I was 45 and yes, the sex was incredibly hot. But the sex is also hot, with my new girlfriend. I think, I'm older now and my sex drive just isn't what it used to be. My girlfriend seems to think it's because I don't have the same sexual-physical chemistry for her than I had before with the other woman. She says she always feels like she's living in the shadow of my former girlfriend, but I've moved on. Could I be subconsioucly holding on to the past, rather than truly putting myself into this relationship? Does anybody know?....
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2006): why hang onto pics of the old g/f if you've really moved on? she certainly has! time to pack up the old and focus on the new. you seem to be holding onto some deep seated hope for a reconciliation and this is what your new gal is picking up on. remove the things you have surrounded yourself with, that remind you of your former love. in other words, it's time to clean house. that way you'll be in the right frame of mind to allow your feelings and actions to unfold for the woman you now claim to love. she sounds like a keeper. remember that!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2006): Hey there, I am not sure if you are treating her more as a "gal pal", but if she complains about not being romantic enough etc..then try for her. If you really love and care about her, treat her fairly. Put yourself in her position. It's not fair to her that you still "hold on" to these pictures and such. She must really love you, if that bothers her, it shows she cares and wants you. Basically, if you have really moved on as you claim, then try just a bit harder to prove that to your new gf. Good Luck
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