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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been seeing my girlfriend for almost 2 years but she says we weren't "going out" until about 7 months after we had sex, even though she asked me to move in and we lived like a couple. She asked me out several times then dumped me out of blue several times. Then I discovered she'd been sleeping with someone else and it took her 7 months to come clean and be honest with me about it. During the 2 years she kept me "hidden" from family and friends and would never integrate me into the rest of her life, always keeping me "hidden" or separate.We finally split last year, after she's been playing around on internet behind my back, I thought we'd split for good and I moved out and tried to rebuild my life.Then 3 months ago she reappeared, explaining and apologising for how she treated me and telling me she wasn't ready for commitment before, and that she was now ready to be in a proper relationship with me and really loves me and wants me as her partner long term and wants to be monogamous and giving me all the reasons why she behaved so bad before and saying sorry and crying and apologising etc. After being back together 3 months now, she still won't tell any of her friends or family about me and I'm wondering if I'm being a fool to carry on with her - should I give her another chance or cut my losses. I do love her and we have a very strong bond, but it feels like she still doesn;t want me to be a "public" part of her life, no matter how much she says she loves me and wants me as her "life partner".
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2006): Let her go . You do not 'hide' the one you love. Why don't you give her an ultimatum? i.e. visit her parents etc....She came back to you remember, so start taking a bit more control in this relatonship instead of acting as a door mat.
A
female
reader, Clarey  +, writes (23 March 2006):
 It makes me wonder why she has been hiding you. It also seems that she is confused and not ready to settle down yet, a little immature. A cat and mouse thing. If it were me I would insist on getting to know her friends and family before considering a future with her. There is something about that area of life that needs to be uncovered. Even then I think she has treated you very badly. Perhaps you could offer friendship rather than a relationship for a while and let her know that you will think about it, but that you need some proof that everything can be normal before meking a commitment. Give it a time limit. Are there any religious, moral or other reasons that she would choose to keep you secret?
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