A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a queer 25 year old female and I have been in a relationship with another female (whose name for the sake of this post will be "Karen") for about two and a half years. For the first 6 months to a year or so, the sex was great. We were both really into each other, lots of intensity, etc. The first few months were especially intense, emotionally and physically.Of course, this began to dwindle significantly, and about 6 months or a year into the relationship, Karen began to tell me about something really awful: she thinks she was sexually abused as a child, possibly by her father.Karen has started therapy recently in order to work through these issues, and I am proud of her for doing so. I want to be supportive and there for her as much as possible. I have absolutely no idea what it must be like for her to go through this, so I want to reamin open-minded and supportive for whatever she needs.But here's my issue: Karen has indicated to me that certain sexual acts are just an absolute no-no for her (penetration on her end is out of the question and she has a very hard time penetrating me as well), and that it is going to be a loooong process before she is able to be really comfortable in her sexual skin again.Without sounding too selfish or awful, how am I supposed to deal with this? I really enjoy sex (although lately, not with Karen because she checks out emotionally and just goes-through-the-motions) and don't see myself being able to deal with celibacy long-term (we have sex maybe once a month now, and I never have an orgasm... not for a long time). Is it completely horrible of me to think about the possibility of seeking sex from other people? Is it unreasonable? I don't want to hurt Karen, nor do I want to have all of this pent-up sexual energy forever.Thanks for your help, in advance.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sharonbonnie  +, writes (28 July 2007):
give her time its hard i was abused as a child and beaten. give her love and surport dont rush go back to dating a gain make her feel wanted
A
female
reader, aphrodites_pendant +, writes (6 May 2007):
 First thing's first - no, you are not an awful person for feeling sexually frustrated. This is natural and is definitely something that can be resolved. The fact that you have been thinking about finding another sexual partner is your body telling you what it needs - not that you should cheat on your partner.
You could try gentle foreplay - something slow and stimulating. Try to avoid sex toys for the time being as they can be viewed as cold hard objects especially to someone in Karen's position. I would suggest just gently exploring each other's bodies. this allows you both to rediscover each other sensually and will open the doors for you and Karen to progress onto other things.
Something to think about: although this is a frustrating time for both of you it is not impossible to work through.
Hope this helps
Aphrodites Pendant x
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