A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am getting concerned over my future mother in laws behaviour. My boyfriend is 20 and his mother is 40. She is generally ok but makes a lot of personal remarks about the way I look which are not very nice - like my hair is frizzy or my clothes are not quite right. However the real issue I have is that she seems way too 'tactile' with my boyfriend. She will often give him a very long hug and I'm just standing there like a spare part. She also likes to sit on his knee in family photos and I am left to one side. His father and two brothers just seem to act like its funny or normal. Just recently I have had more cause for concern in that I stayed over at my future parents in laws house, with my boyfriend and in the morning I was just reading a magazine in my boyfriends bedroom and he was in his underpants about to get dressed when his mother came in, in her knickers and bra only and went up to my boyfriend and put her arms round his neck saying how much she'd missed him. One other time around their house my boyfriend went into the bathroom for a quick shower and I noticed very shortly afterwards she went in the bathroom too and shut the door behind her. I her chatting and giggling. I think this is very odd behaviour - I try and be open minded as I come from a household that is fairly private in that way. Is this normal? Should I be concerned? It is starting to make me feel quite detached from my boyfriend sexually because I almost (sorry to imply this just its how I feel) think its because I'm sharing him in some way. I am so confused. I mentioned it to my boyfriend and he says she's just a bit silly sometimes and thinks I'm making too much over it. Does anyone have any advice?
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male
reader, DV1  +, writes (11 August 2007):
 Not to be gross, but it seems that there may be some sort of incestuous thing between your boyfriend and his mom... My family members or friends would never come near the shower while I was in it...
DV1
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2007): I agree with you in that it does feel like your sharing him. Because even if they have a close bond like seeing each other in underwear (which is not totally unusual in some families), it IS VERY unusual that they wouldn't be discreet about it when you are around. I think they are acting inappropriately in front of you. And his mom sitting on his lap??? You are his girlfriend. NOT the mom. It's not right. And she has no business telling you how to dress and wear your hair. Did you ask for her opinion?? If not, she should keep it to herself. I think she is trying to piss you off and make you uncomfortable. It's like a power/control thing. And he is so blasé about it. What a turn off. I don't like it. It's weird. I would go with your gut.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (11 August 2007):
 Oh my God what a bizarre situation this is. I have heard of "Mummy's Boy" but this is taking it to the EXTREME.
Next time she criticises your appearance, tell her she is being very hurtful with her comments. She comes across a domineering,nasty spiteful woman, and using her son as "Marked Territory". As for your boyfriend not sticking up for you when his "Mummy" is making bitchy comments towards you, shows that he is a weak and insucure little boy. (This reminds me of "Little Britain" character played by David Walliams, who is in his 30's and still getting breast fed by his mother).Do you see where I am coming from with with this? I would never dream of parading around my 19 year old son half naked,and criticising his girlfriend to her face.
If you want my opinion, unless this bizarre situation changes,which I very much doubt it will. I would have second thoughts about getting married. Because if she is like this now, she will make damn sure to make your life a TOTAL MISERY once you are married to her precious son.
Please think about what I am saying to you, I don't want you to have years of misery my love. Ok? Keep in touch too.
Dusky x
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A
male
reader, Peterk5699 +, writes (11 August 2007):
 You could try sitting down with your boyfriend in the privacy of your own apartment and ask him why she does this and also tell him thet you're becoming "Detached" from him and that if he wants to marry you(?) then things like this have to stop because it's ruining your relationship.Maybe, if possible ask you mother-in-law why she does this. Also tell her that you won't change how you look and it's up to you to look this way. But the most important thing in all this is that you feel happy with yourself and how you look. It's your body, you choose how it looks.Hope this helped.
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