A
male
age
26-29,
*ylan McK
writes:My female friend who likes me is 14 and was raped, she is now pregnant. I have assumed the father role, i love her. I held her for 3 hours after she was assaulted, trying to calm her. My question is am i doing the right thing? My heart says yes but I'm not sure if I should. I love her and she me, as soon as we are old enough we are going to get married. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): Youre a kind and decent young man. I understand full well your desire to help this girl. But you must be careful, you are both very young and will change a lot during this period of your life. You will not be the same people you are right now for very long. This is good. Your growing, finding yourselves, it's natural. But I say this with the experience of life and many mistakes made. You are not equipped to deal with this situation. You are not a father. Your a boy finding the man he will be. My advice would be to give the baby to a good adoptive family ready to provide a financially stable, nurturing environment. She may not want to go with this option if she feels it may cost her the closeness she is experiencing with you. It's false hope though, doomed to failure. In my experience, a girl that age who's been raped has some childhood trauma that set her up for it. She needs to focus on herself, certainly not raise a child at 14! Your nobility is misplaced, and with all my fatherly advice I ask you to see I'm right and walk away like a man.
A
male
reader, Dylan McK +, writes (12 September 2009):
Dylan McK is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well she isnt getting an abortion, WE are going to be raising the child as our own, if the child asks who its father is i will say me, we cant let the kid know about what happened.
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A
male
reader, Dylan McK +, writes (10 September 2009):
Dylan McK is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI say 'commited' because it feels like we are married. I mean i know what real love is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): Just curious, Dylan, what do you mean by "committed"?
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A
male
reader, Dylan McK +, writes (10 September 2009):
Dylan McK is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think that my age shouldnt matter, i love her and if we want to be commited that should be fine. thank you though.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): Good for you for giving her comfort when she needed it. You're to be commended for that.
But "father role"? At 14 you're not up for that, no matter how much you care for her. She has parents, a real father and mother, and as much as you're into her, you can't assume their role.
Don't take this the wrong way, but you're in no position to counsel her, from experience, about how to deal with her situation. First, she needs medical attention. Second, she need professional counselling. Next, if she doesn't miscarry, she has three options: abortion, adoption, or motherhood.
You can certainly be there to support her. But you're in no position to 'father' her through either an abortion or a pregnancy to term.
Be a good and wise friend, for sure. Support her, and perhaps love her, as she deals with her parents, doctors and the police. But at 14 it doesn't make any sense at all to commit to marrying her. Or to commit to raising a child.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): Honestly, if you love this girl, and clearly you care about her enough to want to be ther for her situation and her child.
i respect you greatly for what your doing for her.
but, make sure YOUR happy, and you being happy doesnt mean you cant be there for her.
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