A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A few months ago my boyfriend was sent love letters by a mutual friend of ours, she was his friend to start with but as we got together she became one of mine too, I was quite open with her, and told her a lot and treat her as a good friend. When I found them I fell out with her quite significantly, i wasn't happy she'd abused my trust. However my boyfriend kept her as a friend, saying they'd been friends for years and he'd made it clear friendship is all he wanted.I trust that my boyfriend means this, and doesnt want to be involved with her romantically so have accepted he's just remaining friends with her for that reason, i am not jealous of her, nor think my boyfriend will run off with her or anything silly, however whenever her name is mentioned (at the minute she has a mutual friend who has found my boyfriend a job) it brings my heckles up. I can hide this quite freely from my boyfriend and tend to smile and ask questions, is she ok etc, but it still gives me the same pit in the stomach feeling hearing her name as it did finding the love letters from her.Is theres something wrong with me, and what should i do about it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi thank you for your response, it does infuriate me sometimes that he is still friends with her but I feel I have no right to kick up a fuss, after all it's her that sent him letters, not the other way round and he has not done anything untoward. However when she leaves messages on his social networking site with hun and kisses on the end I really have to stop myself from loosing my rag. This girl is seeing someone, and has a child, and a child on the way with her partner, however from what my boyfriend told me she is unhappy in her relationship and has feelings for my boyfriend because he listens to her/ treats her with respect. Whenever I get these feelings i feel like an idiot but i hate her still being around him, i trust him 100 percent but just seeing her name flash up on his social networking site, or hearing him speak her name starts it again.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (27 January 2010):
 Nothing is wrong with you at all. If I found out one of my friends was sending my boyfriend love letters I'd be beyond angry and can assure you that we would stop being friends. In fact I think you might be treating this too lightly. Why are you acting like you're the "crazy" one by being upset? If one of my boyfriend's friends sent him love letters I'd be very suspicious of their relationship from then on out, pretty much until eternity. I think you're being very tolerant in just accepting them being friends. She clearly crossed a line with the letters and would have no problems sleeping with him if he had a girlfriend. It's kind of insensitive of him to insist on keeping her as a friend. I think him bringing her up is his way of trying not to hide her from you, but I'd be wary of this girl. Very wary. It's not "silly" to worry about her.
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