A
male
age
51-59,
*ick1063
writes:I have had feelings for a close friend for a number of years and we are both in our late 40's, I have not on my feelings as she was in a relationship with another friend, in May this year the split up after he had an affair, since then we have become even closer and has confided in me an talked about her problems, the biggest is that she is still sharing a house with her ex. Recently she started talking about moving away, something that would greatly upset me. I have never been great at expressing my feelings so I decided to write her a letter telling her how I felt, I said I was happy to take things at what ever pace she wanted, I also offered to help her to get a new place to live. She replied a day later saying she was very flattered but that she was still coming to terms with the break up of her last relationship and at the moment couldn't think of anything else. I am not sure if this is a no or a not right now, and what should I do next?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2013): She stated it clearly, and you just didn't get the message. It is too soon after a breakup to be emotionally involved with "anyone."She was flattered. That's a positive, but not a yes.You are eager to get closer knowing she is single. There are emotions that she will be experiencing due to grief of a loss, and the fact her relationship ended. She doesn't need a rebound relationship; it will hurt you in the long run. She has to sort out her feelings, rework her life, and experience a full range of emotions that hit you when you breakup. Right now, she is in the shock phase, it's numbing and like the quiet before a storm. Don't crowd her. You have been through it, but you're not a woman. They are more open with their emotions; and don't internalize them as we are prone to do. So she won't be herself for sometime.Sir, she will need her time and space for recovery and healing. She broke up a relationship and that is painful; even if the relationship was a bad one. It wasn't done for your convenience.It is also complicated when you date among "friends." It's a closed circle of people, and it can bring up a lot of drama and hostility.Be supportive; but don't smother her with attention and offer more help than she requires. You are a mature gentleman, and quite aware that emotional events like breakups take a lot of time to get over. Please have patience.
A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (6 October 2013):
I think it was really brave of you to write that letter. I don't think she is saying no. I think she is coming from a terrible relationship and wants nothing to do with another at this time Your friend needs time to heal and to find closure. She needs to find her inner peace and move forward. Who knows what her or your future holds. I do think it is important to be that supportive friend.
In saying the above. I don't think you should sit around and wait for her to make up her mind. You need to go out there and invest in your future.
Good Luck!
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