A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi!i know there are probably more "dearcupids" about this, so I'm sorry to repeat.My friend, who's been one of my best friends for about 2 years, has recently started copying me. Like for instance on facebook, when I started using D: and :D, she started to use :D and D:. It could've just been that we chose to use them at the same time, but when I started using other things like :], she would do :], and it just keeps going. Also, she has been doing this since last year, but she usually ditches our normal "crowd" of friends for the popular crowd. I know that she might want to hang out with other people,(the "popular" people aren't mean either, they're pretty nice.) but she does this everytime if the popular people's table is near. Like we would sit down together, and she makes an excuse like "I never get to sit with _____!" even though, since she does this everytime, she has probabaly sat more with ______ than us. Lastly, she also copies a lot of my clothes. I know I can't control what she wears but she has done this more than once, and it was always after her seeing that I wore it, and where I had gotten it. I would try to go to places people don't usually go to a lot, but around my area there are only the popular brand name stores. I would understand if she never saw me wear it and had gotten it, but it is always after she sees me, and I know she buys it after me because she always asks me where I got it/I usually go shopping with her a lot. I know this sounds like im just bitching about my problems, so I'm sorry if it does sound that way.Thank you for listening.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks to all~
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): I've been the copier and the copied. From the copier point of view, I saw something different from my friends that I'd never seen before so I had the urge to get it. I didn't mean to copy, that was not my intention, I genuinely liked the shoes, the Abercrombie, the Hollister shirts that girls were wearing. I wanted to fit in with the majority. It was THE brand name back 6 years ago and I desperately had to have it. If all the stores in the world are the same would you call the people wearing your clothes copycats? As for emoticons like :D and :] they are very common. Your friend might've not used them before and as soon as she saw you use them it ignited an interest in her. Really its not a big deal. Those symbols are on everyone's keyboard! Lol I understand where you're coming from. Middle/high school is a tough time for young teens. I took it pretty hard. Like the others said, she's trying different trends to fit in and "find herself". Don't blow up on her and look for little obscure boutiques to shop and don't tell anyone about them! Best of luck :)
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A
female
reader, sammi star  +, writes (22 December 2010):
 well they do say immitation is the greatest form of flattery!
Try not to worry about it too much. When you go shopping point out things that you think will suit her and encourage her to develop her own style, she's likely to listen to you seeing as you're clearly someone she admires.
It's hard as a teen to find your place in the world and she's just trying to fit in while she discovers her own identity so be patient with her :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): I understand. I have experienced being copied too, and I absolutely hate it. It may sound like a small thing, and fairly trivial, but it is maddening. I know people say it should be "flattering," but it can be really irritating.
It sounds like your friend is still trying to "find herself". What I mean is, she may not have a clear view of who she is and what she likes. If we are confused about who we are, it can be easier to take our cues from other people, particularly people we admire. I think that, as she matures and finds out who she is, she will stop copying you and will follow her own styles and interests.
In the meantime, although it must be really annoying, try and tell yourself that she is not doing it to irritate you. It is just because she is unsure of her own identity, and until she becomes more sure of who she is, she will "borrow" aspects from other people. She sounds rather confused and possibly lacking confidence, and I admit to feeling the same way when I was younger. I still do sometimes. It will fade with time though. I know I don't have any solutions as such, but I hope something here helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): Hey OP, your friend is just trying really hard to fit in. If I were you I'd take the clothes thing as a compliment. She obviously thinks you have great style and wouldn't be copying you if other people didn't think that too. So kudos for that.
You meet people like that OP, you'll meet people like that your entire life and they're not necessarily bad people. They just have a lot of trouble with self identity, they never think their own choices in things are good enough so they always copy other people, always try to impress other people.
She doesn't mean anything bad by it she just wants to be accepted and liked. She doesn't want to risk being unique or herself because she's too afraid people won't like that. So she does what other people do, wears the same clothes as other people and tries to hang around with the popular crowd.
Try not think badly of her, she obviously looks up to you as far as fashion goes, and the fact she tries to be like you must mean you're a cool person that people like. She just wants to have that same thing but she has to try really hard at it.
I say you just accept that she is this way and she doesn't mean anything bad by it.
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