A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i was in a lesbian relation-ship for 3yrs , and 3days ago , she told she doesnt want to be with me becuz she say its not right , she doesnt want to be with girls anymore ,she want to live her life the right way , and she said thats nothing i can do or say to change her mind , but she wants to be still friend , i mean the first girl i ever been with she took my virginty i dont think i live wih out her, but what should i do ? and why do i still feel like she still mines ?
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female
reader, Starry Meadow +, writes (11 January 2008):
I know how you feel. My best friend became my first girlfriend then left me for a guy. It's crushing, but you can live without her,you only feel she's yours because you knew your feelings were real and it hurt that hers weren't. But, if a lover leaves you, then they weren't worth pursuing. What you need is to forgive her for leaving, move on, and find someone better. Trust me, you'll feel better once you take a step forward to a begining. ^__^.
P.S.
As for being friends, I wouldn't recommend it, it'll only make you uncomfortable. Especially, since you loved her and had sex with her. By being just friends, you're agreeing with her to forget about the magic you thought was there, and no one should be asked to pretend their love never happened.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (10 January 2008):
 For some lesbians, it is easier to conform and date men, especially if they want the traditional family structure. I believe that in the USA, it is easier to adopt and/or have children and family for straight couples, than gay couples, and this may have been a factor.
However, sexual orientation can not be denied. If she is lesbian, or bisexual, there will always be a secret part of her life that her future bf/husband may or may not know about.
I would suggest for you to get away for a bit. If you have any vacation time, make use of it, and get away for a long weekend.
Being friends or lovers with her in the future may not be an option. I know one woman that did what your ex did, got marriage, had kids, but her husband was fully aware of her past, and allows her to have female lovers they sometimes share together.
In the meanwhile, take that long weekend, and when you come back start dating other women you had an interest in, or that had an interest in you. Put some distance between you and her just to help you get your head clear.
As far as her being "yours"...this type of possessiveness kills the possessor, not the person being owned. You may want to save yourself the pain of the future by removing this attachment tactic.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta  +, writes (10 January 2008):
 Over the years i ahve become very close freinds with alot of lesbians, and have heard their tales of love lust and woe.theres many reasons why she's all of a sudden become like this. Pressure from her family, Sharp slap in the face of reality that in fact she is a lesbian and is in denial. ( which kinda sounds like it to me)Even at my ripe old age of 25 i'm still having realty checks constantly. i look at things differently now than i did a year ago.I know you don't want to hear about age being a factor or chin up plenty more fish in the sea.Will you forgot or stop loving your first love? No. no one does. That first person always holds a place whever good or bad. your Ex is still finding her self but the sounds of it she's in denail or isn't making this choice alone.. its also possible she's bi..the only thing you can do is concentrate on yourself and whats best for you.You would do anything to see this girl happy right? Truely happy, yes?Even if that meant letting her go?Sometimes doing the right thing, means doing it alone.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (10 January 2008):
 She wants to go straight. You can still be friends but minus the sexual parts. The reality has not sunk into your mind yet.
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