A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I was married twice. I have known my first ex since we were in 7th grade and we had been together ever since; we got married when we were 23 but divorced when we were 27 due to my family issues. He was hurt and so was I. I had to take care my family problems and had to leave him. He waited for 3 years before moving on to his new life with his new wife and he now is happily married and has a 6 years old girl. We have lost contact for almost 10 years...I know he talks to my sister from time to time just to see how I was doing. Until my recent divorce...then he called. He just want to make sure I am hanging there but then everything goes wrong from there. We started chatting and seeing each other. I know he loves me and I love me very deeply as well. No sex was involved in our relationship because we both try to control ourselves not to hurt his wife. He told me we will never be together again and he doesn't want to hurt me but he also knows he cannot forget me. He cares me a lot but he doesn't want another divorce, besides his wife is a good person and he loves his child....but he loves me more than he loves his wife. His wife starts noticing difference because he can't stop thinking about me. He is in different country and I am here now. I know I need to leave but my sisters want me to stay so I can get him back because they know our history. But he doesn't want to do anything to hurt me. He wants me to move on to have a good life but I just can't seem to move on. He said I will always be in his heart and he will love me forever...he said if there's another life, we will be together again. What should I do? I really really love him. Should I leave him knowing we love each other? His wife even told him that she knows he doesn't love her like what he loves his ex but she will not let him go because she loves him very much. Am I doing something wrong or should I do what my sisters told me to steal him back? I know I am doing something wrong. Please help me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): there is no fix all single resolution to this situation. The path with least amount of pain to all parties concerned would be the most pleasant path but someone getting hurt is unavoidable. If you feel like you can handle closing the door on your ex husband, then you should move. You should move if you think you cant handle being in the same city as him. after all u did go 10 years without speaking, maybe it's because you are newly divorced that you dwell on ur 1st husband so much. you need to actively engage yourself by putting yourself back out in to the market. breaking up his marriage shouldnt be an option. even if you did break up his marriage, then your re-union with him would start on the wrong foot and that doesn't bode well for everyone. Concentrate on rebuilding your life after a 2nd divorce and let things be.
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