A
female
age
41-50,
*ncertain
writes:Ok...I have been with my guy for a little over 2 years. We moved in with eachother after dating for 4 months. When i moved in I started to notice that he keeps pictures (Both of his ex-wife and ex-girlfriend) I asked him to get rid of them. I let it go for a while, after a year of living together I thought he would just get rid of them on his own. He never did. He still has pictures that he told me he does not want to get rid of, like his old wedding pictures. (FYI we are now engaged) Should I let it go? I am a little upset that he will not let go of that OLD memory. But am I being selfish?Also, should I care that he still talks to his ex-wife and most recent ex-gf? Here is a run down of the reason I don't care for the 2 of them.The ex-wife never was never nice or cared to speak to him until he was in a relationship with me. Now she is keeping contact with him more it seems. Also, he used to send her messages letting her know that he was thinking about her or that he hopes she has a nice day. Wow that pissed me off! So do not trust him with her now.As for the ex-gf. She never stopped contact with him. She won't speak to him when I am around (which is fine by me) but if I am not there, she is like things never changed. She looks and sounds sneaky. Both women broke things off with him. So I questioned him if he still had feelings for them. He swears he doesn't. Should I just be happy that he is with me? I am starting to feel that way, until I see one of thier numbers on my phone bill. I am usually a really secure person, but I have never been with a man that stays friends with his ex's!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): Well, I too understand your anger and frustration over the ex girlfriend especially continuing to contact him, the ex wife I am wondering, are there kids involved, even grown kids, because if there are she is going to be in his life forever because of them.
I do think you are being ridiculous about his old pictures. A lot of people are sentimental, or they just like to have some tangible evidence of their lives and loves. I still have pictures of my exes even though some of them really weren't all that nice to me. When I am an old lady sittin in my rockin chair and my love is passed on, I may want to pull those old pics out and think of my life. It is his life, everyone has a past, even you.
I would not like if he had a framed picture of his exes, but photos in an album, no way that I would care at all...
I would worry about anyone who did not have some sentimentality about them....
Your anger and frustration isn't going to get you anywhere. Try to access your feelings about this, tell him how it makes you feel and don't be accussatory, just tell him how it hurts your heart to see that he still needs to call these women up because...........don't tell him you think he is doing it to hurt you, or try to make a big point of it, just tell him how you feel so that he can Hear that he hurt you. Listen to his reasons even if you don't like them and let him know you understand and heard what he said, but then restate your feelings about it and then watch and see what he does about it.
You can't make him do these things for you, but you can try to understand and accept it the way it is, you can leave him, or you can focus on YOU instead. Ask yourself some question, What do I want, If this could be the way I want it what would that look like? Do I want to accept this situation with the exes in our lives? Work on how you are feeling about it and stop trying to make him do what you want.
The good news is that even though this is not what you bargained for, you can choose. If you can't embrace this or him the way he is and he refuses to change it, you can choose to leave...and that is the good news. You really need to focus on YOU though, you have a right to have a great relationship the way you want it and if he isn't giving it to you, you do have a choice to end it if you want to do so.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): Mybe you shoulod just ask him to put them in a box and in the garage. i gave mine to my mum who keeps them for my child when hes older.its seems a bit strange that he talks to them like that and is ex wife . i would talk to him about it i would not like it if my partner spoke to his ex and i know he would hate it too as he gets jeolous when my ex inlaws mail me.just talk to him to put them away in a box.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 February 2009):
 I hate my husband's ex-wife and girlfriend. No doubt. But if he wants their ugly mugs on a piece of paper, who cares?. However, they don't hang around the house. He have kept a stack of photos ( 17 year old stuff) in a box in the garage and it really doesn't bother me.
He talk to them both ( rarely now) and more with the kids. I don't like him talking to the women, cause they are a couple of hags who likes to mess with people. But I refuse to be the jealous wife.
If you don't have trust in a relationship it will not work in the long run. Same with honesty. Tell him how it makes you feel but do not DEMAND for him to destroy those pictures. Eventually they will end up in the "garage" or trash. Focus on him & you and YOUR future.. Screw his past. They will tire of it and move on..
Good luck, chin up.
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