A
female
age
36-40,
*onelyand confused
writes:Dear Cupid,I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years over the holidays we got engaged. But the problem is for the last month he does not want to have sex. This caught me off gaurd due to the fact that sex was never an issue. I've tried talking to him about it but he saids "he just doesn't want to have sex period"But, I then i see he goes on porn sites or watches porn videos. I'm so confused I 've tried dressing sexy, tried watching video but, he says he doesn't like to share that with me it's too uncomfortable and awkward. He doesn't want to go to counseling I don't know if it's a pride thing. But, i need some advice because i don't know what else to do. P.S. he saids there is no one else in the picture it's just he doesn't want to have SEX. PLEASE HELP
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): If your partner refuses to have sex with you, you are no longer lovers, you are no longer in a romantic relationship, he is now simply a friend who happens to be a man. Is this what you thought a loving relationship should be like. Your partner is unfair, and I have no idea why you think that you should accept this. Sex is not just about passion and penetration, it's also about intimacy. Soon you will start looking at other men, you will begin to resent your partner. Why do you stay in a relationship where only one of you is happy, and only his needs get met. Don't you deserve to be close to a man. How long can you stand this, how long can you stay in this no sex relationship? Personally, I would dump this guy and find myself somebody that is capable of acting like a man. If he cant or won't have sex, won't give you an explanation and won't get help, then he is depriving you of a lot that life has to offer. This guy is broken, he is selfish and he doesn't care about you at all. Your under 25, are you going to remain sexless for the rest of your life?
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (17 January 2009):
 This seems very peculiar. While I agree with "satindesire" that ultimatums are usually a last resort, does your fiance think that you would wish to marry a man who would not want to have sex in marriage? You are obviously due a much better explanation than he has apparently offered. Then decide.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): yep, you have to tell him that sex is very important to you and that if this is how it is going to continue that you have to reconsider the marriage. I have heard of guys getting this way after proposing or marriage, so it is a very bad sign of things to come. If he is not willing to work on it that is even worse, especially when you are trying to work with him and share the videos.
If he is not willing to go to counseling I am afraid you will be better off ending the relationship, or prepare for a sexless life or a life of cheating.
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