A
female
age
36-40,
*ynnWrath
writes:The problem is that my fiance is a virgin and has very little self-esteem in the bedroom and so he won't have sex with me because he's afraid he isn't going to be good at it. Well, that's really only part of the reason. The other part of his reason is why I feel so bad for wanting him so badly: he has saved him self all the way up until now for marriage, and he doesn't want to break that only a couple years from it... Which is something I can respect, but when I find myself wanting him as badly as I do sometimes I feel bad for it later and I don't know how to talk about it without him thinking that I'm resenting him for wanting to wait.However, he's not even comfortable performing oral sex, not because the idea bothers him but because he's afraid he won't be good at it and that he won't please me. But what he DOES do he is very good at, even though he often leaves me wanting to experience more of him, a lot more... I just don't feel right saying anything becuase of his wanting to wait until we are married...A lot of his issues stem from his disappointment in his size (he's only about 4.5 to 5 inches). I've done EVERYTHING I can possibly think of of to make him feel better about it, or to build his confidence, and if it's working at all, it's working very slowly. I really don't have a problem with his size, infact it's perfect for me because I'm naturally small in proportion so much bigger is actually quite painful... but he thinks that I'm just saying that to make him feel better. I'm running out of ideas and the intimacy that we do share (though I treasure it) is starting to build my sexual frustrations and leaves me wanting more that what he's comfortable with yet.... Can you help me?
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female
reader, RynnWrath +, writes (12 May 2008):
RynnWrath is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the ideas. I've never thought of it that way, and I really hope it helps... if not I might be asking for some future advice. THANKS AGAIN! ^_^
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008): Move the wedding forward - lol! I dont know what you are ment to do in this situation but the other post certainly sounds like something to try. Mens egos always grow when it is their idea....so find away to turn things around.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008): Sheesh what a pickle. As a guy I don't know how he resists it if you do the stuff you say you do! Personally I believe the physical side of things is really really important in a relationship and I hope for your sake things change dramatically when you get married or else you'll be stuck with a hornless hubby for the foreseeable future. At the same time you do have to be respectful and I appreciate that, which is why it's so hard...
Firstly I'd say stop saying that the 4.5 inches or whatever is ok, cos like you said he'll definitely see that as just you trying to be nice and that'd be extremely emasculating. This is the first step in making him feel sexually superior to you. I know the feminists won't like that statement, but it sounds like he needs it. Stop comforting him and treating him like he's less experienced, stop sweet-talking him. If he starts to take control, let him know that you love it! If he climbs on top, presses you against a wall, etc etc then let him know that you love him being in control. I know this may sound like odd advice but it's seriously the best I can give. The way I see it now he feels like you're laughing at him in your head, and the comforting exaggerates that. Let him take some power, make him feel good about it, and most of all make him feel like the man
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