A
female
age
30-35,
*weetthing
writes:Hi, small background of the situation being:When i was 12-14 i got regularly mentally, physically, emotionally and verbally abused by my father for years. My mother had just has my younger brother and states she did not know , but the reality is that she just chose not to notice and she didn't protect me.Now i'm nearly 22, so i forgave my father and my mother slowly, after having domestic violence training. My father is still abusive. I've just finished uni and I'm job hunting so bad. It's the first time in years i've had a 6 week holiday as i always used to work in my parents shop.Basically i hate my mother so bad, because she just doesn't defend me. My mother had developed arthritis so bad that she had to stop work i had to care for her. This past year i was caring for her and now my dad decided he will start, the hard parts gone. She just is so ungrateful it hurts me, she's cold like i'm the bad one. Since my dad found out i had a job interview every night he has made me cry, been abusive.I am losing my confidence and i feel so depressed i can't stop crying. This isn't a life and i can't move out.I feel so alone I don't want to hate her. But i do, i even told her why give birth to me if you can't ever protect me.
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female
reader, Atsweet1  +, writes (23 August 2012):
 I just don't get it Im in a very similar situation also. My own family members dog me out but I fight them back. They lie manipulate all type of scenerios in my life job personal business it's Control. I'm not a child but at times feel like it. They don't want you dependent or to have any confidence cause that would make you hard to handle. Definitely save money find employment then move.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (21 August 2012):
 Your parents behaviour is unacceptable and perhaps you do not have the confidence to tell them face to face how much their actions ahev hurt you.
Though they are not (on a scale of 1 - 10) the very worst of the worst. some particularly bad parentexamples are listed in the Book called "Toxic Parents" available on Ebay.
While the examples are vastly worse you STILL have been put through far too much. What I think is especially helpful in the book are the examples of how to confront your fears and eventually (ONLY if you want to) also confront your parents.
I am surprised that you have been able to so easily forgive your father, especially as he is still abusive.
As soon as you can afford to do move out into your own home. And when you meet your parents meet them in a nearby cafe for the first two to five years. This is to allow you to establish yourself and put your personality into how you live ad want to live alone.
Mother - daughter relationships are so fragile at times. I can totally understand your feeling of betrayal that your mother chose to turn a blind eye to all that you suffered. And the chasm between the two of your is large. Personalities and cultural issues can also interfere. Such that it may seem like you both arrived on earth from different planets
And is no one better at pushing our buttoms than the person who really knows you inside out and backwards. You mother still knows which buttons to press to still make you angry.
I think you can handle your your father's abusive over-critical behaviour.
But as far as your mother I think you need something extra. Because the trust has failed between you and the betrayal hangs over the situation like a cloud.
So I do suggest you get some short term counselling to help you cope with the deep pain you feel at mother caring more about appearances than caring about your feelings.
Because your mother is still hurting your feelings.
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