A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i really need some friendly advice on what to do about my family. it all started when my younger brother went away with the forces. i dont live with my parents, i live on my own with my daughter, but while my brother was away i went round every day to see them, thinking it was best. meanwhile i was having issues with my house, a few major issues that was disputing over with my landord. such as mold etc. my parents asked me and my girl to live there until i could get another house, i applied to a housing trust and was accepted, so maximum i would of only been at my parents house for a month or two. the idea was that by me moving there i wouldnt have to pay more gas and electric and water or tv license, so id of saved some money for when i get a new house. while there i cooked every meal, did the pots after, normal daily chores etc. i do admit, i didnt do a great deal, wasnt a skivvy or anything, but i did my bit. after 2 weeks, my mum began asking me when i was going back home. that she didnt think i did have a mold problem and that it was just the smell of my house. bear in mind, it is, iv seen it, and i went through about 6 or 7 air fresheners a week, plus kept windows open, and heating on, costing a fortune. she started complaining every day, wanting me to go home, even though she was the one who asked me to move and move all my stuff. we ended up arguing, and i left. my brother then came back on leave for couple weeks, and we (and the whole family) went away for that weekend on a mini break. on the Saturday night we decided men and women should go out separately. towards the end of the night it was just me and my cousins gf left whose pregnant and wasnt drinking. we saw the lads, they said they was going back to the room because one had indigestion. so we went into the night club for a couple drinks before heading back(the club was round the corner from the rooms we was staying at, so we wouldnt need a taxi) after 10 mins, the lads walked in, my brother grabbed me by the arm, dragged me across the club and pointed at our cousins gf telling her to follow, he told us to leave and get out because they were in there and didnt want us out with them. we was in there first so i told him i wasnt leaving and that i was on the pull. he went to the lads and then my cousin had a right go at us, saying he didnt want us anywhere near him , called us every name under the sun because my bro had told him that id said we was both on the pull, and that my cousins gf was trying to score behind my cousins back!!!! i did not say that at all! we then left both of us in tears wondering what wed done to deserve that. the next day i got it all, off everyone, my whole family was accusing me of trying to split them up and melding. i got so fed up i blew up and raged at them all, i was just so angry because id done nothing wrong, neither had my cousins gf. it wasnt fair. eventually my bro admitted that hed said that and not me, and blamed it on him just being drunk, but still no apology even tho he'd caused a lot of trouble. we all let it go and just left it. id had enough of arguments by this point. then today, i went round to my parents house to see them all and to take my girl to see them. mum asked me to make sandwiches for dinner, so i did, i then put two quarters of a pork pie on my girls plate, as i know she likes them, took the plate in and then my mum started shouting, "what the hell is wrong with you? what is wrong with you?" i asked what she was shouting for, and she said "why have you gave half a pork pie to her, she wont eat it all! what-is-wrong-with-you-girl?" by this point, id had enough and just snapped, i replied "ok im sorry im a fu**ing idiot!" and took the pork pie of her plate and threw it back in the fridge. oh that was it then, because i swore, and snapped back, it was all my fault, i do nothing but cause trouble, and get peoples backs up and start arguments! seriously iv herd it all now! i grabbed my girl and walked out, but before i went, i was apparently using my girl against them, and i shouldve left her there with them! i dont think so , i would never, but shes my daughter and i have every right to take her home with me! i just dont get it! now im sat here, wondering what the hell iv done to deserve any of this! and arguing over a bit of bloody pork pie? its beyond ridiculous! they do this all the time, say something insulting, or to get me mad, then i lose my temper and get angry and bite back but then because i do that, its all my fault and im the one that causes trouble?! i know its them that cause trouble, and whenever i wanna get outta the way, they wont let me! either keep me there telling me i cant leave, or come up to my house when i do manage to get out! i just want a peaceful quiet life, and im sick of the stress they give me, i feel like im on egg shells around them all and i no (because iv heard) that they bitch about me to other family members. iv just had enough and im struggling to keep strong for my girl, i hate the fact that they argue and shout in front of her then wonder why i dont want her there and take her away with me! i really dont know what to do. its my bros party tomorrow, and i dont know if i want to go. i just cant be bothered anymore, but i know they'll start again over that if i dont go. i cant win lol.p.s sorry for the length i just need some help thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (20 June 2011):
 HI
you realy are having a hard time of it all, when your family should be helping you get back on your feet. I cant see what you have done wrong other than saying you were trying to get pulled. I WOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT MYSELF especialy if I had my cousins girlfriend with me at the time, because it would make it look like she was as well. BUT still your brother had no right telling you where you can go or who with, your an adult and its your choice. As far as going to you brothers party to avoid any more conflicts I would go along, keep yourself to yourself so they cant blame you for ruining the party, and go home quitely . Then after this I would tell them thank you for being there for you , but it's time you did things for yourself, And so there wont be any more rows you would prefer it if they visited you to see you daughter, as going to them always starts something. If they cant deal with that then it will e there problem not yours, as if they cant make an effort then why should you! In the meantime so you dont feel so isolated get out with your daughter, meet new friends, get your social life back on track, and your daughter wll enjoy going out more too. For the damp smell in the house buy jayes liquid fluid, add some floral disinfectant with it and scrub down the walls and floors with it. clean all the cupboards and sides down with bleach , and buy some plugin air freshners for each room. I know this will be a little expensive the first time but worth it, it will leave your house smelling fresh and clean. Then just keep up with it once a week, it really is not that hard to keep up with it once in a routine.
xxx
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