A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My heart is torn. The issue is i been married for five years separated for a year and a couple of months. Well my husband was having issues with keeping a job and had depression. He does smoke weed and started experimenting with Ecstasy. He slowly started turning into a stranger. Fights and constant arguing fell upon are marriage. He stopped wearing his wedding band and then eventually sold it for money. With thoughts of failure with my marriage. I stop catering to him, I had no respect and it seem like he just didn't care about me. He ended up leaving me. I then moved out our house, bought a car and was starting to live my life the way i felt like i was missing. I felt like I lost all hopes in life cause he drained it out of me. So i ended up meeting this guy and we had so much in common we started going out and we hit it off. My husband contacted me and said he didnt want a divorce and he wanted me back, he would stop the drugs and everything. But i fell pregnant by the other guy and he wanted me to get an abortion. So i did - I still regret it. The other guy was very mad at me but said he would still be a friend to me. With trying to work it out with my husband, we still live separate and he most recently lost his job again. I'm in the process of buying my house and i stay with my mom. He knows i been talking to realtors and I thought that maybe we can start new there. Im afraid that if we move together it be me paying the bills and we will be going through the same things that broke us up. We have a child together and I really want him to be in her life. But I don't want her to see me struggle with him. Plus i still wonder and have feeling for the other guy and wondered if I could of had something special with him all because Im afraid to give up on my marriage and trying to hold on to my husband that i known for nine years. I wanted to give him another chance and try to be devoted it's just my faith is broken. I need some serious advice anything will help.
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abortion, divorce, drugs, lost his job, money, moved out, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (24 January 2011):
 i don't understand why you went back to him. from your first post it sounded like you went back because he is your daughters dad but now you tell us that your boyfriend is more caring to her than her own dad! sounds like your ex suddenly wanted you back because he didn't want someone else to have you. WHY did you go back to him??
x
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (24 January 2011):
 I feel so sad for you and your daughter have had to go through so much.
Your husband sounds like a millstone. What sort of influence is his for your daughter if he's mentally absent, even if he's there as a physical presence?
And if he slips back to his old ways, with his first priority being his drug supply? He already exited this marriage psychologically when he sold his wedding ring.
The longer you (emotionally and legally) stay married to this man the longer you delay fully taking charge of your life, without him in it. He's not exactly a role model of the best husband and the best father. If he eventually goes back to using this will be dreadful for your daughter to see it happening before her eyes.
Surely your daughter comes first? This marriage is a toxic situation for you and your daughter.
A marriage ending is always sad. But often the reasons a marriage ends are often very valid and inevitable. Misuse of Drugs and illicit drug use, domestic abuse, sexual abuse of any human in the family, and gambling are all red lights to get out of a marriage before more harm is done.
I can't see this marriage flowering, but instead slowly withering before your eyes.
So why prolong the agony?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionK@ AngelDlite, I loved thehe was way the other guy treated me and my daughter. He was so good to her, did her homework with her he even did things with her I never did. This guy has a daughter he has cusody of . He did everything that I beg my husband to do . When my husband got wind of this new guy he wanted me bk. I miss the the other guy but I hurt him. He says hell wait for me, but I toldhim he deserve btter. Someone who is not married and can make up her mind.btw the husband only does weed now but still.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ AngelDlite, I loved thehe was way the other guy treated me and my daughter. He was so good to her, did her homework with her he even did things with her I never did. This guy has a daughter he has cusody of . He did everything that I beg my husband to do . When my husband got wind of this new guy he wanted me bk. I miss the the other guy but I hurt him. He says hell wait for me, but I toldhim he deserve btter. Someone who is not married and can make up her mind
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): Think of your daughter first. If your husband is not doing what he should do to be with you: stop the drugs, get a job, treat you well, then the other behavior is not something that she should be around at all. She can spend time with him if he is responsible to do that, but don't expose her to the rest of his problems it will affect her for the rest of her life.
Let him clean up his act and show that he is serious before you consider anything with him again.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (23 January 2011):
hi
do not live with him until he has successfully kicked the drugs. if he has you back where he wants you it will be too easy for him to carry on the way he has been doing in the past. why has he lost his job? how did you feel when you had split from him and you were with the other man? were you relieved to have your husband out of your life or did you miss him a lot? i know you want him in your life for the sake of your daughter, BUT he can still be very involved with her even if he is not with you any more. it is never a good idea to stay with someone just for the sake of a child. no child wants to be brought up in a home were mum and dad are at each others throats coz they resent each other
xx
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