A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How do you get over your ex and stop thinking about him? It is especially hard since he completely shut me out of his life and left abruptly with no contact. When I do try to contact him he doesn't pick up or respond to me. I'm not sure how to get over this and how he can be so malicious. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (14 June 2011):
 Hi,I am sorry too... Makes me angry just imagining how one human being can be so cruel and cold hearted to another human being. Right now, no matter what people say to you, the advices, nothing will make you feel better. Nothing will change. But, be strong and have hope in your heart and trust me, it will get better. Will take time and steps you need to do to get over this anger and stupid experience. Don't be hard on yourself because this is not your fault. Don't try to understand or make sense out of nonsense. How you feel right now its ok and normal. You have to let all the anger and mix feeling out of you. Right now you might not feel great about yourself, no confidence, etc, but believe me, there's nothing wrong with you, you still the same person and all these negative feelings are in your head. I know exactly how you feel, I couldn't stop crying and shaking for months. Everywhere I go I felt like people were looking at me, could see my pain. I felt so worthless, ugly, alone, so angry, confused, pray everyday asking why? It took some effort, energy, I had to push myself, time and step by step, day by day started to get easier and I felt like my life was getting back to normal. Everytime I started to feel this negative, bad energy, I told myself its all in my head. Nobody cares if I am depress, cry, people go about their lives and I realize that by crying and being depress I was the only one in pain. The only one losing, wasting my precious time and life.I know its hard, the coward did enough and letting this go for a long time means the coward still controls you and your life. Do it for you...don't let him damage you more.You deserve happiness, peace, respect, love... You'll find all that soon... Just be glad that this coward is out of your life forever. What he did was cruel, but also shows his character and lack of integrity. I am sure that's not the kind of man you want to love, be part of your life and father of your children. Don't feel sorry for yourself, because this coward is out of your life. Feel sorry for this loser, who you thought you were in love with. He'll never change, and have to live the rest of his life with himself. He's a lying loser, making excuses. What a sad, dark life? Feel better soon ok?Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): what a cruel thing he did to you, I have had it done to me and it sucks, the shock was unreal like a bus landing on me especially when he wouldn't talk or respond to my question - why?
I decided eventually that I was well rid of the lowlife and clearly I didn't know this man at all. Turns out he had met somebody else and didnt have the guts to tell me
I just watched the tapes of us together, looked at the photos and read the letters he had sent, for hours. Then finally cleared all his things and any reminders out of the house, burnt the lot.
And got on with my new life
Good Luck xx
...............................
A
female
reader, meccamega  +, writes (14 June 2011):
Hi I'm sorry that you had to go through this. I too have also been in this situation. Your ex was a complete coward and was dishonest. Its going to take time for yo to get over it. Its a complete mind**** when someone does this. Please know that no one deserves this. You probably did everything that you could do. This guy doesn't deserve you!
When people do this they feel guilty and are hiding something. Don't be surprised if there is someone else. Some people don't have the guts to be honest with other people. And if this jerk asks for you back, don't whatever you do!
...............................
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (14 June 2011):
 So sorry about this, it is by far one of the most abusive things a person can do.
You may not get answers, but you CAN take lessons from this.
First, share with a trusted friend, a family member, a clery member, a counselor, whom ever you can trust that KNOWS YOU.
If your ex was not willing to tell you why he was leaving and ending the relationship, start seeing the good in that! You could have had a longer relationship, making financial commitments, married him, etc and THEN he deciding to run away. THAT my dear is a sign of coward.
Start telling yourself, you are WORTH MORE. Let the actions, not the missing words be enough of an explanation that this was a sorry excuse for a man who could not be front and honest with you.
My suggestion for all those unsaid things that need to come out of you. Write a letter to him. There is NO intent to send it.
Write EVERY nasty, angry, hurtful, sorrowful question and thought you can think of. It does not have to make sense.
Just sit down and WRITE until you can not write any more. List all the the things you disliked about him, but never said in the relationship, because you let it slide...EVERYTHING, hold nothing back.
When you are done, fold it up and seal in an envelop. Hide it somwhere you can find it in a month or two or six. If you really want to reread it again then, you can..I think you will be suprised while some things still sting, most of your questions and whys are gone.
Or, what many of my friends have done, burn it and scatter the ashes like a burial.
You are grieving because this IS a loss. It is a death of something you cared and hoped for. Just like sometimes we do not know WHY it is time for someone to pass, sometimes relationships die.
Give yourself persmission to grieve and have a goal to heal!
Best Wishes.
...............................
|
