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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi, I've got a big dilemma. I've been with my girlfriend for a few months now. I really thought that she was the one.The trouble is that my ex is always in my thoughts and her child, who I helped 2 bring up from baby. I was with my ex for 3 yrs. We split up because of her nagging and moaning continuosly.She has waited and waited for me and wants me back. I know she has made big changes now and has changed the way she is. My current girlfriend is a great. She has 2 kids. She is always accusing me of cheating on her, which I would never do, but I think I want my ex back! I don't want to hurt her but I don't want to lose her either. I'm in such a mess trying to decide who I want. The situation is not helped by my g/f's best friend, who's always interfering and telling her to finish with me and saying I'm cheating. I think if all this hadn't started then I wouldnt be in the mess I'm in now. I just want to be happy!!! Has anyone got any pointers for me? I'm so confused!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (17 April 2006):
Firstly, your ex will not have changed dramatically - she'll be saying this to get you back, and within a few months, the old patterns will be back. You have split up, so move on.
Secondly, you wouldn't even be thinking of going back to your ex if your current relationship was working for you.
When your current gf says you are "cheating" on her - in a kind of way, you are - you are contemplating leaving her for your ex - that is a kind of "cheating" that she will be able to sense.
I suggest that you have to make a key decision: whether to invest in your relationship with your current gf, or whether to leave her and go it alone.
If you decide to invest, you should start by being totally honest with her - tell her what you have told us in your question. Discuss with her what is good in your current relationship and what both of you would like to be better. Be honest, and don't hold back with your doubts - you have to get them out if you are to build an honest base. Then, be close and work on it together.
If it doesn't work, then you can always go it alone.
Whatever you do, don't go back to the ex.
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