A
female
age
30-35,
*issLoca
writes:So im not going to lie, I'm sort of confused. I recently broke up with my bf of almost 5 years about 5 months ago. We do have a 3 yr old daughter together which makes my situation so much harder. We still live together and work together. I did move in with my mom for a little while but she just lives about an hour away from where I work and it makes it hard because I have to be at work at 4 a.m. and sometimes 3. That and my mom and family arent the cleanest people and they have a lot of animals and I just can't stand dog and cat hair! Anyways, so I moved back in with my ex and his parents just for a little while because he recently got a DUI and can no longer drive himself to work because he doesnt have a license. I also would like to save my money to get my own place. Here's where it gets complicated. I do have a new bf who I met in June last year and we started dating in December. I am so in love with him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. We also have talked about having a family soon, very soon. I told him I want to have his son and he was happy. He said we should try to get pregnant the next time I see him. He also lives 7 hours away from me! I want to move with im so bad but I still have to think about my daughter and her relationship with her dad now. A part of me still loves my ex but the person he has become lately is unbelievable. The sad part is I feel like some of these insecure dark feeling he has have been there all along, even before there was an us. Another part of me feels guilty, like this is all my fault. He tells me how hes so depressed because he had it all and he worked so hard for everything and now its almost all gone. He had a great job, he tried to be the best man and father. He still has his job and his daughter but he doesnt have me. That and he's been arrested 3 times since we broke up. So now he might lose his house that he was in the process of buying because he might not be able to afford it. I know that I cant help the way I felt before, I just didnt want to be with him anymore I wasnt in love. I do love him but not in a way that I want to be with him. My mom tells me it's not my fault and I shouldnt take responsibility for anything that's happened to him. I tell myself that as well. He blames me though and that's what makes it hard. I am a smart girl and I am willing to take responsibility for any pain or discomfort I've ever caused to anyone. Im just not sure exactly what I am and am not responsible for. Back to my new bf, Im scared that I'm being way to naieve and I'm not seeing something. I am a risk taker and with him I feel like I'm taking a huge risk but he's so tempting that I can't help but want to figure out where this relationship can go. He makes me feel amazing even through a text! I have a hard time letting go of things that im comfortable with. A big part of me says this isnt going to work out but the other part says it could. I just cant stop talking to him. I cant stop loving him. By the way, I am 19 and he is only 17. He turns 18 in july though. And another part of me is worried that he will change and therefore change the way he feels about me. This scares me because I was in a similar situation with my ex. He was 18 and I was 14 when we started dating. At first I was so in love with him until about the time I turned 18 and then I changed as well as my feelings for him. He tells me he wont change but i said that before, I remember when I said it.
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