A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I was with my ex boyfriend for 3 years we split up 4 years ago but for that 4 year he is constantly around near where I live and each time I see him it brings all the pain back that he caused me he is always staring at me. A mutual friend told me he's been single since we split he broke my heart I was so in love with him. How do I deal with this situation. Thank you
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female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (11 February 2017):
 I really agree with wise owl. Hanging around you being elusive and endearing, it IS creepy and not cute- he IS messing with your head! Sneaking round staring at you/? Very unsavoury behaviour.He sounds like a loser that couldn't handle a relationship then and is still the same loser. Dont be taken in because you like the attention, mistake his loser behaviour for something sincere and romantic. He's not thinking about the bad things he's bringing up for you, he's just craving some attention likely. Doesn't about the fact he's dredging all that hurt from FOUR years ago for you everyday. Does he have a conscience?? Whatever his agenda is.We've all fallen for the wrong person... If you've got love coloured glasses on you think being jerkish is just a unique little quirk... When one day you're NOT In love you'll realise just how bad they were for you. Is he your first love or something? Maybe you just feel more strongly. Guess what EVERYONE heals, you too REMEMBER what a twat he was when he was breaking your heart. There's a lot of guys out there with fun, unique, wonderful personalities that will do all they cam to never break your heart.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2017): I see it like this, you gave him three whole years of your life to get it right, and he failed. I don't think he stayed single all that time all because of you; I don't think he ever changed, and none of his subsequent relationships lasted very long.
I don't care what the mutual friend said; there's something wrong with someone who can't move on after four long years.
Let him be as creepy as he likes. It's over and done. Don't even get the notion in your mind that he's longing and pining for you. He's got some weird issues to deal with, and your best bet is to keep your distance. Don't let him play with your head, and stop staring back.
Acting creepy is a form of intimidation. You're showing your pain on the outside; and communicating through a mutual friend, who is nothing but a spy. That's who keeps your ex updated on what you're doing. I think you ought to put some distance between you and that busy-body friend as well.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 February 2017):
 It IS hard to move on when you have a constant reminding running around and always in sight, but the thing is you can either MOVE ON or LET him dictate your live and level of happiness.
Does he work or live near you? Or he is basically stalking you? It's a little hard to glean from your post.
You NEED to find a way to accept that it didn't work out and that is why you split. And loving him was OK, but not anymore - he doesn't DESERVE your heart now. And IF you want to find a happy place letting HIM go is the thing to do. You have pined after him for 4 years! what a waste of time and emotions! Come on OP. He is HARDLY the only guy out there, and HARDLY the only guy who could be a good match.
So he is always popping up and staring at you - that is FREAKISHLY creepy! Take those rose-colored " Oh I love him still" glasses off. And see him for who he is. SOMEONE you are WASTING time on pining for. Who CARES if he has been single those years? THAT was his choice. Doesn't mean you owe him squat.
You HAVE to get to a point where you can look at him and think DO I REALLY keep letting this man mess with my emotions? IF he had WANTED you back he had 4 YEARS to do that, but he hasn't.
If he IS following you around change your routines. BUT DO NOT stop living life over this ONE man.
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