A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've struggled to get over my on/off bf for 6 months or so because we never really ended it, we get on so well we end up just hanging out and occasionally having sex. I find I somehow sabbatage his relationships because if we ever bump into eachother in town and he's with a new gf they get jealous of the way he's treating me (he tends to do them down when he's around me). I asked him out again in January and he said no, so he knows I still like him but denies any feelings for me. He's finally with a girl I know he really cares about so I'm doing my best to keep well out of his way so we can just get on with our own lives. I've got myself a new guy, however I'm not really in a proper relationship with him because I'm embarrassed. He has the same name as my ex, and I met him through my ex and they're known for being pretty similar. This was totally undeliberate on my part, we just happened to hit it off. Now my ex repeatedly warning my new guy away from me, saying I'm evil that I'm only in it for sex.I guess I'm just really confused as to what I'm doing and what I should be doing. Being with this new guy is really helping me move on, but just as I was finally accepting that my ex and I aren't ever going to get back together he starts behaving like this. I don't know what to think because everybody has a low opinion of my ex because he has a reputation for violence, womanizing and lying, but we know eachother inside out and I know what he's really like. I always thought that he was going to be the guy I was going to spend the rest of my life with, and I think nmaybe a small part of me still thinks that.Sorry this is long and messy, but I need to know if I'm doing the right thing being with this new guy.
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female
reader, kellyO +, writes (18 April 2007):
 Hi Anom,
I believe u are doing the right thing by trying to move on from your ex. It is good you still care about him but the relationship as you said in your posting was one that you struggled with for 6 months. It wasn't healthy and balanced which i feel is not what u want for now.
I know it doesn't help that your ex was friends with your present boyfriend.I wouldn't have advised u to go into this relationship but u have to weigh things and if u really like this guy then u have to get your ex from interfering in your life. He appears controlling. He said he doesn't want you yet he is doesnt want u to move on with your life.
I'm not sure how lasting this new relationship will be but i think it is helping with the healing u need and to re-evaluate what it is u want. Take things easy and talk to your present boyfriend so that he teams up with your and stops your ex interfering with your life.
Goodluck dear.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): You are right, it is confusing. Sounds like you are rather unsure of your feelings right now. You say you "never really ended it" with former bf. Well, I think it is time to do that. Until you make a clean break and let everyone else concerned know that you have, you will have difficulties with any other "relationships". As to "ex bf" interfering with your present situation, you should frankly tell him to butt out.
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