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female
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anonymous
writes: I went out with a boy called James for a year (my first love), lost my virginity to him and I fell in love. We fell out of love and got on with our lives. He recently dumped his girlfriend and I got back with him for one night. He told me he missed me all this time and he still thinks about me a lot. I told him the same because it was the truth. He wants to meet me now and I want to get back with him, but there is something in the way...For the last 3 months I have been sort of dating this boy Ryan and I love him to pieces and he treats me right and better than I can ever remember James treating me. But he isn't looking for a relationship and I really am. I don't know what to do because I don't want to lose Ryan but I can't have two boys on the go!I want James not Ryan I think, but it is how to tell Ryan and how I can satisfy myself that I am making the right choice.My question is, who do you think would be the right person for me and how would I tell Ryan that I can't be with him any more? Please help me with my problem, it's making me so emotional.Thank you, Alicia xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2005): It sounds like you have already made the choice of whom you want to be with and it's James. Now, I just want to say a few things here. From what you are saying..James hasn't treated you right, in the past. I question "why" is it you want to be with someone who treats you badly. Do you not feel like you deserve the best..someone who treats you well and will sincerely respects, honors and loves you. To me, and I could be wrong but James does sound like the typical "bad boy" (selfish and concerned with just what HE wants) here. If you are looking for stabilty and a solid, equally loving relationship, James may not be the one. I think you're driven by the sexual excitement of being with James. Let's face it, he's charming and perhaps the fantasy that you might be 'The One' to break through the and change his bad boy ways...appeals to you. The real bad luck is to fall in love with a bad boy. Do that and what should be a sweet pick-me-up becomes a lengthy bout of pain and suffering. Always remember: he is not in love with you...he's in love with himself! But in the end, when the relationship and the sex becomes mundane to James, you may get dumped once again. You are taking a big risk with your heart and setting yourself up for more future heartache & pain.
I would like to say to you.. go for Ryan. He sounds like the more honest, open and loving of the two guys. He may not be as rakishly charming but over the long run,,his love would be true to only you and you will be able to "trust" him. But you've made up your mind..so you will have to tell Ryan and the sooner the better so he can get on with his life. It's never fun for anyone to get dumped so please use compassion, honesty and make it clean and simple.
Good luck in whatever you choose. But remember that the best & bravest choices in life will help you remain happy
and stress free. Take Care
A
reader, becky05 +, writes (4 August 2005):
Sounds like you have already decided who you want although i think that James sounds like a very unreliable, selfish man.
If you cant decide between the two of them then perhaps you should let them both go until you decide what it is you want from a relationship yourself and then find someone who wants the same things.
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