A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes: This is the deal. My ex and I went out. She had told me previously that she just wanted to be single and live her life, which I found hurtful so I stayed away from her and tried to move on. After not speaking with her for about a week, her mother sent me some food and I went to her apartment to pick it up and she was asking me when we were going to hang out. So I agreed to hang out with her the next night. We went to dinner and out to the movies. Before we left she kissed me in the mouth. I let it go and went on. After dinner we walked to the theater and she held my hand. In the theater she kissed me again and put her feet as I rubbed them. We left and held hands. We get to her place and she asked me to come in (never did that). I made an excuse to leave as I felt uncomfortable. She watched out of the window until I got in my car and drove away. What is the deal? What does all that mean? After she told me that all she could be was friends. Is she trying to lead me on or make me chase her? I don't want to be hurt yet I don't want her to think I don't care either. Should I take to her advances or leave her alone all together, as she is obviously confused. Help!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2006): Here's the real test - ask a lady friend out. Go out with someone you are comfortable with and go ONLY as friends - as you are not emotionally ready to get into another relationship. Your ex is keeping her door open and you on the string
.... OR
Maybe you were always the big dog in the family and she just followed after you, doing what you wanted. Now, she feels empowered being on her own, but realizes she still loves you and wants to try it on her terms.
Either way, she will not be attracted to a man who drools after her. Let her know that you find her attractive, but you do not want to play games. You enjoy spending time with her, but if she cannot tell you the plans she has in the near or distant future, you need to separate for real so that you BOTH can work things out. This should get her moving either closer or farther from you. Which is ultimately what you want - a RESOLVE, even if it is painful. Keeping you in limbo is cruel.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2006): My male friend is going through much the same thing with his ex. One minute she is kissing him passionately, etc..... and saying she still wants to be with him so naturally he thinks they are back together. The next she is telling him where to go. She claims she has lots to sort out and she wants to enjoy time with her friends but this has been going on for months. I think it is totally unfair of his ex to string him along and mess with his feelings like that. She is controlling him. He is still so besotted with her that while she is doing what she likes, he is left in limbo. He's beginning to dislike it now.
My theory is that she doesn't want him but she doesn't want anyone else to have him either. Or she is just keeping him on the back burner until 'something better' comes up or if no-one comes up she will go back to him!!!
And the thing is.... I really like my male friend and I would treat him so much than she does. So I'm kinda in limbo as well, but I won't wait for him. See you could be missing out on a girl who would treat you so much better!!!!
Be firm with her and regain control of the situation. Ask her outright where you stand. I totally appreciate that it confusing so the best thing is to set boundaries - explain to her that if you are friends then you want the kissing/touching to stop. I know it is hard to stop pleasurable things like kissing and touching but believe me it makes life a whole lot easier. Hope I've helped.
Let us know how you get on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question To ask her is easier said than done. Its like I like the attention but she has all the control. She still visits my family and wants to be around them. I went to her place last night at 11:30pm and she wasn't really flirty but she asked me to touch her legs she also held my hand the whole time and asked me to get closer to her. I think I just shouln't talk to her. I have asked her to get back with me and lets make it work but she says she needs to experience being single but I feel like I'm being kept on the back burner until she finds a MORE suitable mate and then she will definitely leave me alone but were does that leave me as I have dozens of woman who want to go out with me but I can't get past this because I don't know if I should just leave it be or let this thing escalate. To add insult her mother calls me and gives me advice on how to get her back. All the time telling me that her daughter doesn't have to be alone and she could be with anyone. This whole thing freakin sucks.
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A
female
reader, kayleighanne1 +, writes (9 July 2006):
 hi, firstly shes saying she wants 2 stay single and stay friends but shes also givin u avantages that could mean more. best way is to ask wot she wants out of the situation maybe she wants 2 have all the fun of the relationship with out havin it. gd luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2006): I think you need to ask her why she is being like this. Explain that you were perfectly fine moving on as 'she' was the one who thought you should only be friends. And now she is holding your hands, kissing you and asking you into her house. Tell her that you are confused. I understand how you feel, tell her how you feel and that you are uncomfortable with her actions. Good luck! x
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